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  1. #1
    Registered User MirinCanadian99's Avatar
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    Question Serious topic regarding Sex with GF or lack thereof (a bit long)

    Hey R&H brahs, I’m making this thread because I’ve been feeling nothing but resentment towards my GF due to her constant excuses whenever I bring sex up. We’ve been dating for almost 8 months now and we’ve done it 4 times. (I was her first so I was willing to wait). This feeling of resentment started on March 27 (the last time we had sex). Here’s a short timeline of excuses:

    March 29: She comes to my place and we usually have sex on Mondays because we’re home alone at my place but she claimed her vagina was sore. I respected her decision and left it at that.

    Saw her briefly on March 31: Teased her about having sex in the car because of a tik tok she sent me and she started saying it will depend on circumstances. Usually she’s down and will tease me back but this time she simply said it depends.

    Supposed to see her today on April 2: Teased her last night (april 1) about having sex today because it had been almost a week and at first she was receptive. When our facetime ended she comes back 10 minutes later and tells me her period started. Apparently her period started later then usual.

    Supposed to see her on saturday April 3rd: she will still be on period but according to her the birth control pills will have stopped the major bleedings. However this would be swell but now apparently shes got to work from 7 to 8:30. We usually have sex around that time at her place. So once again another convenient excuse. Keep in mind this a student job and not a career.

    Now I’m in a pickle because I personally want to have sex at least once a week whilst she seems ok with doing once or twice a month. Next Monday will be our only opportunity to actually have sex until next saturday and I’ve decided that if it doesn’t happen on that day I’ll confront her about it. Am I being shallow or an arse for expecting sex? I do my best to pleasure her and not just focus on myself during the act. I also don’t think shes getting sex from anyone else. Ive already asked her to initiate sexual acts more and yet I find myself initiating most of the time. Our relationship isn’t only centred around sex so miscers cant claim im shallow. What would be some possible reasons behind these excuses? Would you guys tolerate these excuses from your GF or wife?

    Also i will not be posting any pics of her. I respect her privacy.
    Last edited by MirinCanadian99; 04-02-2021 at 06:24 AM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User Techriding101's Avatar
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    Why do you think her pussy is sore?
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  3. #3
    Registered User Kev1972's Avatar
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    I wouldn't date a woman that doesn't meet my needs sexually. I let them know that up front. When you are alone just whip your dick out. How hard is that? If she denies you tell her thanks for coming, there's the door.
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    Registered User tripod29's Avatar
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  5. #5
    Registered User Titansfan08's Avatar
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    I would at least expect her to be blowing me and making me at least cum if she's coming up with these excuses. Would be a deal breaker for me personally as I know it's only going to get worse I'd imagine. I'd definitely tell her how you feel and your needs aren't getting met.
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    haha stupid fukking cuck she is literally using you for company (had a bish try this recently dump her ass) or she has zero sex drive and you do. either way dump her ass. but you wont cause youre a stupid fukking cuck.
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  7. #7
    Registered User MirinCanadian99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Techriding101 View Post
    Why do you think her pussy is sore?
    She started using that sore excuse after we had sex on Saturday (March 27). I was like it could be a possibility. Come Monday which is 2 (March 29) days later and apparently it was still sore.
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  8. #8
    Registered User MirinCanadian99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kev1972 View Post
    I wouldn't date a woman that doesn't meet my needs sexually. I let them know that up front. When you are alone just whip your dick out. How hard is that? If she denies you tell her thanks for coming, there's the door.
    When we’re alone I’ll slowly go down on her by kissing her and caressing her body because if I don’t she wont initiate. I was planning on letting her know on the upcoming Monday if she pulls off another excuse.
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  9. #9
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    The ONLY reason a woman wont have sex with you is because shes getting it already on the side, or she doesn't really like you and is using you for company. Woman fukking HATE being 'alone' and WILL use guys to not be alone even if they arent sexually attracted to you. They are fukking parasites.
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  10. #10
    Registered User DBoyDaRealest's Avatar
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    Brother.

    I'm not here to rub it in. We've had a lot of disagreements on this forum, and you've definitely came off as pretty arrogant on this subject, given your age and experience. But at the end of the day you are still learning.

    If you are willing to drop the tough guy / self-righteous / I don't date sloots / zero bodycount nonsense, I'm down to give you some REAL words on this topic, as someone who has lived the exact same story as you as a young 20s dude. Trust me, I've read your posts and we shared the exact same sentiment when I was your age.

    Send me a PM.

    Otherwise, if you don't want to chat more over DM, I'll leave you with this - she's lying about her puzzy being sore, there will be more excuses, and it absolutely will not get any better. The best you can hope for is to keep the frequency you have now.
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  11. #11
    Registered User MirinCanadian99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Imnew1 View Post
    A girl that's truly attracted to you, especially one who's in her early 20s with her hormones high, should be initiating it to the point that you're the one telling her that you're tired and just can't go another round. Girls in their 30s that are truly attracted to you are the same way. She's already gotten the losing her virginity part out of the way so there's really nothing left physically for her to get accustomed to.

    Sexual chemistry and needs are just as important as everything else in a relationship. It's also one of your biggest warning signs that you're about to be dumped, or that your gf has met somebody new that intrigues them more than you now, and that they're seeing them behind your back when they tell you out of nowhere some bs reason that they're not into having sex right now and it drags on for weeks.

    I'd say have a talk about your needs and expectations, and tell her that for this to work she's going to have to find a way to get her libido up like a woman truly attracted to you, and you'll do whatever is needed as far as foreplay etc to help her out. If she doesn't then you have to do what's best for you. If she's not wanting it from you as much as possible in the honeymoon phase then this will only get way worse for you once you're past that.
    Thanks for the advice, I got the same advice from Legz via a rep regarding the libido part. After taking her virginity she had no issues doing it almost every time that we were alone and now each time I suggest an indoor date she'll side track me and say she wants to enjoy the outdoors and or do an outdoor kinda date. She knows that when we are outdoors and driving around, I'm less tempted to make her put out. And it's not even like we've done it so much that it's gotten stale. We've had sex on 4 different days. And ever since the 27th of March it's been nothing but excuses and or she has work. We were supposed to arrange our schedule according to when we see each other and now she's taking up pointless 1 or 2 hours shifts during periods where sex happens and or on days where we see each other. I've got no issues taking my time and getting her turned on but if she won't even make the effort it doesn't really motivate me to try either. She only gives head after I eat her out and I feel like she only does that to repay the favor and not because she actually loves me.

    To be quite frank, her constant excuses has in some ways killed my sexual attraction towards her and I find myself having to wank myself to get it hard when we do have sex. I'll take her period excuse at face value and on Monday if she gives another excuse ill talk to her about it. If nothing changes, I'll slowly withdraw myself and let her find someone that's ok with less sex.

    I don't think there's someone else in the mix. She leaves her phone near me when she goes to the bathroom or does something and I know the password to her phone. She already knows I have a zero forgiveness policy on cheating and she wouldn't dare test my patience on that issue. I think this is a low libido issue and her thinking that she can get all the benefits of a relationships without putting out. Thanks again for the advice that everyone gave me.
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  12. #12
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    Thanks for the advice, I got the same advice from Legz via a rep regarding the libido part. After taking her virginity she had no issues doing it almost every time that we were alone and now each time I suggest an indoor date she'll side track me and say she wants to enjoy the outdoors and or do an outdoor kinda date. She knows that when we are outdoors and driving around, I'm less tempted to make her put out. And it's not even like we've done it so much that it's gotten stale. We've had sex on 4 different days. And ever since the 27th of March it's been nothing but excuses and or she has work. We were supposed to arrange our schedule according to when we see each other and now she's taking up pointless 1 or 2 hours shifts during periods where sex happens and or on days where we see each other. I've got no issues taking my time and getting her turned on but if she won't even make the effort it doesn't really motivate me to try either. She only gives head after I eat her out and I feel like she only does that to repay the favor and not because she actually loves me.

    To be quite frank, her constant excuses has in some ways killed my sexual attraction towards her and I find myself having to wank myself to get it hard when we do have sex. I'll take her period excuse at face value and on Monday if she gives another excuse ill talk to her about it. If nothing changes, I'll slowly withdraw myself and let her find someone that's ok with less sex.

    I don't think there's someone else in the mix. She leaves her phone near me when she goes to the bathroom or does something and I know the password to her phone. She already knows I have a zero forgiveness policy on cheating and she wouldn't dare test my patience on that issue. I think this is a low libido issue and her thinking that she can get all the benefits of a relationships without putting out. Thanks again for the advice that everyone gave me.
    Take it as a learning experience man.

    Misc gonna misc saying there is someone else involved. It's not worth the energy involved in this situation to worry about.

    I wouldn't hold it personal against her, whether its low attraction or low libido. She's super young and probably has no idea what she likes or wants. She could even be gay.

    Just know that there are relationships and FWB situations to be had out there where girls will be addicted to your sex and will wear you out. That's how it is supposed to be when everything is clicking.

    The best thing you can do is to avoid staying in this longer than you need to. I floated for 2.5 more years in a similar relationship when I was super young where the sex dried up for me. Dragging it out will take you to a bad spot mentally where you question everything about yourself, and can leave you with some lasting battle scars/bad coping mechanisms.
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  13. #13
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    I like how you said you have had sex 4 times in 8 months then proceed to say we "usually" do this or that on when you have sex... 4 times is not usual, that would be occasional at best. Shes either frigid and asexual or shes banging someone else who made her pussy sore... sorry but normal young people like to have sex.
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    Originally Posted by DBoyDaRealest View Post
    Take it as a learning experience man.

    Misc gonna misc saying there is someone else involved. It's not worth the energy involved in this situation to worry about.

    I wouldn't hold it personal against her, whether its low attraction or low libido. She's super young and probably has no idea what she likes or wants. She could even be gay.

    Just know that there are relationships and FWB situations to be had out there where girls will be addicted to your sex and will wear you out. That's how it is supposed to be when everything is clicking.

    The best thing you can do is to avoid staying in this longer than you need to. I floated for 2.5 more years in a similar relationship when I was super young where the sex dried up for me. Dragging it out will take you to a bad spot mentally where you question everything about yourself, and can leave you with some lasting battle scars/bad coping mechanisms.
    This.

    I would have a conversation (outside the bedroom and at a time when you're not expecting to have sex) about the issue. You guys are young, she was a virgin, you were patient/understanding/respectful but perhaps she is clueless regarding what she wants sexually, or maybe feels guilt over it, or maybe the fact you guys waited so long killed the attraction for her because it became more platonic as time went on.

    Hopefully she wants to work together to meet your needs and figure out what she likes.
    Also, have a few sessions where you focus solely on her w/ oral and manual stimulation. Ask her about using a vibrator.
    Originally Posted by DBoyDaRealest View Post
    Brother.

    I'm not here to rub it in. We've had a lot of disagreements on this forum, and you've definitely came off as pretty arrogant on this subject, given your age and experience. But at the end of the day you are still learning.

    If you are willing to drop the tough guy / self-righteous / I don't date sloots / zero bodycount nonsense, I'm down to give you some REAL words on this topic, as someone who has lived the exact same story as you as a young 20s dude. Trust me, I've read your posts and we shared the exact same sentiment when I was your age.

    Otherwise, if you don't want to chat more over DM, I'll leave you with this - she's lying about her puzzy being sore, there will be more excuses, and it absolutely will not get any better.
    Also this.
    I've said it before that I think you're very mature for your age and props for that but stop acting like your rules for dating at 21 (0-1 bodycount) are the be all end all and will apply for your foreseeable future and you look down upon men who don't hold women to those same standards.

    Not saying you can't have standards but it's unrealistic to expect to meet women throughout your 20s and beyond who were holding out this whole time but now that they've found you are going to be eager to satisfy your every need in the bedroom.

    Be humble and understand you still have so much to learn when it comes to women and dating.
    BOL and let us know how it goes.
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  15. #15
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    You are either sexually incompatible or she is not into you sexually.

    You should end this relationship. You cannot have a healthy romantic relationship without sex. It’s just a friendship or business partnership then.

    I don’t think you should put in more effort to change things because you have already brought it up and people don’t change anyway. I think you should just let her go and move on to someone you are sexually compatible with.
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  16. #16
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    You are not sexually compatible with her. Either she isn't attracted to you or she's getting it somewhere else, sorry. You are 21 years old and need to find a girl who will fuk your brains out; at that age there are plenty of them. You can try to talk to her about it and she might actually try to change, but it won't last and she will only get worse. I've had the same thing happen before and as soon as it becomes a habit I walk. I think you should do the same.
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    Originally Posted by Imnew1 View Post
    A girl that's truly attracted to you, especially one who's in her early 20s with her hormones high, should be initiating it to the point that you're the one telling her that you're tired and just can't go another round. Girls in their 30s that are truly attracted to you are the same way. She's already gotten the losing her virginity part out of the way so there's really nothing left physically for her to get accustomed to.

    Sexual chemistry and needs are just as important as everything else in a relationship. It's also one of your biggest warning signs that you're about to be dumped, or that your gf has met somebody new that intrigues them more than you now, and that they're seeing them behind your back when they tell you out of nowhere some bs reason that they're not into having sex right now and it drags on for weeks.

    I'd say have a talk about your needs and expectations, and tell her that for this to work she's going to have to find a way to get her libido up like a woman truly attracted to you, and you'll do whatever is needed as far as foreplay etc to help her out. If she doesn't then you have to do what's best for you. If she's not wanting it from you as much as possible in the honeymoon phase then this will only get way worse for you once you're past that.
    Women peak sexually at age 40. I didn't have much of a sex drive in my 20s either. It's hard for men to understand because they peak sexually at 20.
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    Originally Posted by Imnew1 View Post
    A girl that's truly attracted to you, especially one who's in her early 20s with her hormones high, should be initiating it to the point that you're the one telling her that you're tired and just can't go another round. Girls in their 30s that are truly attracted to you are the same way. She's already gotten the losing her virginity part out of the way so there's really nothing left physically for her to get accustomed to.

    Sexual chemistry and needs are just as important as everything else in a relationship. It's also one of your biggest warning signs that you're about to be dumped, or that your gf has met somebody new that intrigues them more than you now, and that they're seeing them behind your back when they tell you out of nowhere some bs reason that they're not into having sex right now and it drags on for weeks.

    I'd say have a talk about your needs and expectations, and tell her that for this to work she's going to have to find a way to get her libido up like a woman truly attracted to you, and you'll do whatever is needed as far as foreplay etc to help her out. If she doesn't then you have to do what's best for you. If she's not wanting it from you as much as possible in the honeymoon phase then this will only get way worse for you once you're past that.
    I think this is the best advice in this thread. Kind of confused though, as you say you’ve only had sex four times but completely contradict that in other parts of your post Opie. There could be lots of different reasons for her actions so don’t just assume the worst. You need to have open communication if you want this to work. She should know how you feel, and in return you need to be receptive to how she feels. Presentation is key, so you need to plan out the conversation(or at least the beginning) and do your best to make sure she doesn’t feel attacked. Also, don’t downplay or brush off any reasoning she gives you, but actively listen and try to work towards a resolution. Maybe she is feeling bad about giving up her virginity and has issues with it, maybe she’s stressed from school and other things in life, maybe she isn’t that into you anymore, maybe her hormones are somewhat out of whack from birth control(I’m assuming she wasn’t taking it before you started having sex, right?). You won’t know until you talk to her, and she won’t know how you feel until you bring it up. Effective is key(and that includes both effectively expressing yourself and effectively listening to her).
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    I have a couple suggestions -

    - how about oral? I think she should at least take some responsibility to satisfy your needs even whilst she doesn't want to do it herself.
    - have you guys talked about it? like seriously talked about it? it could be the fact that you didn't make her feel very comfortable when you guys were doing it? maybe she felt like a slut and hated that feeling. You need to really encourage her and make her feel good mentally, not just physically.
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    Maybe she actually has morals & regrets having sex outside of marriage.
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    Talk to her but once a month is ridiculous in what should be the honeymoon phase. I'm not one of these Miscers who thinks you need to bang twice a day every day but once a week at your age is more than reasonable. I'm going once or twice a week and we've been married for ~25 years.
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    Honestly, if she’s not satisfying your needs and it’s been going on for a while, AND you’ve spoken to her about it, and it’s time to break it off. Life is too short to not have your gf putting out a few times a week. I’d rather be single then constantly do mental gymnastics as to why my gf doesn’t want to fck me. I won’t be getting laid, but I’ll have something much better, a peace of mind.
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    Originally Posted by Coolman468 View Post
    Honestly, if she’s not satisfying your needs and it’s been going on for a while, AND you’ve spoken to her about it, and it’s time to break it off. Life is too short to not have your gf putting out a few times a week. I’d rather be single then constantly do mental gymnastics as to why my gf doesn’t want to fck me. I won’t be getting laid, but I’ll have something much better, a peace of mind.
    This

    Well said
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  25. #25
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    Mini update: I took the misc's advice and had a sit down with her and we discussed the topic of sex. Asked her straight up if she was sexually attracted to me on Friday. She told me yes she was and that she just didn't think we had that many opportunities to do it this week. We did have sex on Friday but I have slight tingling feeling that this low libido phase might come back in a few weeks or so. I do have a better grasp of how she feels as well and I will try and be more receptive to her feelings as well but for now it should be okay.

    Thanks again for the miscers that helped me out. The lack of sex and a lack of flirting on her part made me really question her feelings towards me. I guess the birth control pills are playing a huge mental toll on her and I was kind of being a dik about it. Ill try and rep every single one of you.
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    Mini update: I took the misc's advice and had a sit down with her and we discussed the topic of sex. Asked her straight up if she was sexually attracted to me on Friday. She told me yes she was and that she just didn't think we had that many opportunities to do it this week. We did have sex on Friday but I have slight tingling feeling that this low libido phase might come back in a few weeks or so. I do have a better grasp of how she feels as well and I will try and be more receptive to her feelings as well but for now it should be okay.

    Thanks again for the miscers that helped me out. The lack of sex and a lack of flirting on her part made me really question her feelings towards me. I guess the birth control pills are playing a huge mental toll on her and I was kind of being a dik about it. Ill try and rep every single one of you.
    Birth control pills can really lower libido for women.
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  27. #27
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    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    Birth control pills can really lower libido for women.
    Thanks. It's great to have a females perspectives on this topic. Will rep again once recharge is over.
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  28. #28
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    Mini update: I took the misc's advice and had a sit down with her and we discussed the topic of sex. Asked her straight up if she was sexually attracted to me on Friday. She told me yes she was and that she just didn't think we had that many opportunities to do it this week. We did have sex on Friday but I have slight tingling feeling that this low libido phase might come back in a few weeks or so. I do have a better grasp of how she feels as well and I will try and be more receptive to her feelings as well but for now it should be okay.

    Thanks again for the miscers that helped me out. The lack of sex and a lack of flirting on her part made me really question her feelings towards me. I guess the birth control pills are playing a huge mental toll on her and I was kind of being a dik about it. Ill try and rep every single one of you.
    Still sounds like some excuses on her part.

    Was there any discussion about meeting each others needs, what she likes/doesn't like, if she feels any guilt having sex?

    Communicating about this might be difficult for her still so you may get a bit of a runaround until she's comfortable communicating about sex.
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  29. #29
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    Was there any discussion about meeting each others needs, what she likes/doesn't like, if she feels any guilt having sex?

    Communicating about this might be difficult for her still so you may get a bit of a runaround until she's comfortable communicating about sex.
    Yeah this. Could be anything from naturally low libido to she's shy about getting eaten out because she thinks her box smells. Some women have one poor sexual encounter with a guy who says it looks like roast beef or whatever and then get a life-long complex.
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    Mini update: I took the misc's advice and had a sit down with her and we discussed the topic of sex. Asked her straight up if she was sexually attracted to me on Friday. She told me yes she was and that she just didn't think we had that many opportunities to do it this week. We did have sex on Friday but I have slight tingling feeling that this low libido phase might come back in a few weeks or so. I do have a better grasp of how she feels as well and I will try and be more receptive to her feelings as well but for now it should be okay.

    Thanks again for the miscers that helped me out. The lack of sex and a lack of flirting on her part made me really question her feelings towards me. I guess the birth control pills are playing a huge mental toll on her and I was kind of being a dik about it. Ill try and rep every single one of you.
    Lmao you're a ****ing idiot can't wait to see your post in a few weeks crying how she dumped you.
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