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  1. #1
    Registered User RyanT7's Avatar
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    Girl I'm seeing broke up with bf 2 months ago

    broke up 2 months ago of relo of 1.5 yrs and it was her first srs relo since she is 18 (im young myself no creep)

    Went on a date on tuesday it was great, kissed multiple times and she messaged me first saying she had a great time when she got back home.

    however me and my lack of dating exp due to a long term relo, i pushed the topic of exclusivity the next day like a spastic which made her say she liked me but needed time

    then went out with her on valentine's about 5 days later and it was chill. She was hesitant to kiss me but we did a few times. She said that she just doesn't feel right atm because she still thinks about her ex and she sees me as a friend now and if we go out again it'd be as friends , and she doesnt like me in that way

    that being said, i did mention how its like a 180 and she did acknowledge her head is fuked rn and asked for space after she got back home on that night. On the way back home together after she told me she wants to be friends, she was still fine with me kissing her on the cheeks and holding her around the waist etc...but if she did see me purely as a friend, she prob wouldnt want me doing that chit right?

    I fuked up because i think i was pushing on way too fast with her.

    haven't messaged her since and giving her the space she needs, but don't want to wait too long either.

    Im thinking of waiting till this weekend and asking if she's free next week anytime to meet up, or should i just try and strike up some casual convo before asking her out again? wtf is the right course of action from here

    Do you think she really just wants to be my friend, because i dont mind giving her space to get over him...just her seeing me as a friend would hurt

    TY, reps to all.
    Last edited by RyanT7; 02-16-2021 at 07:23 AM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User MirinCanadian99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RyanT7 View Post
    broke up 2 months ago of relo of 1.5 yrs and it was her first srs relo since she is 18 (im young myself no creep)

    Went on a date on tuesday it was great, kissed multiple times and she messaged me first saying she had a great time when she got back home.

    however me and my lack of dating exp due to a long term relo, i pushed the topic of exclusivity the next day like a spastic which made her say she liked me but needed time

    then went out with her on valentine's about 5 days later and it was chill. She was hesitant to kiss me but we did a few times. She said that she just doesn't feel right atm because she still thinks about her ex and she sees me as a friend now and if we go out again it'd be as friends , and she doesnt like me in that way

    that being said, i did mention how its like a 180 and she did acknowledge her head is fuked rn and asked for space after she got back home on that night. On the way back home together after she told me she wants to be friends, she was still fine with me kissing her on the cheeks and holding her around the waist etc...but if she did see me purely as a friend, she prob wouldnt want me doing that chit right?

    I fuked up because i think i was pushing on way too fast with her.

    haven't messaged her since and giving her the space she needs, but don't want to wait too long either.

    Im thinking of waiting till this weekend and asking if she's free next week anytime to meet up, or should i just try and strike up some casual convo before asking her out again? wtf is the right course of action from here

    Do you think she really just wants to be my friend, because i dont mind giving her space to get over him...just her seeing me as a friend would hurt

    TY, reps to all.
    I’d say the mistake you made was taking a girl who’s straight out of a relationship on a date. I’ve been there and it always scares them off or reminds them of the times she had with her ex. Plus pushing to be exclusive on these kinda girls is a death sentence. I think she’s doing you a solid right now by telling you that she wants to be friends. Leave it at that and go date other people. Let her know that if she ever changes her mind she can reach out but you wont reach out. If you got into a relationship setting right now im sure she would have jumped ship a few months in and gotten back with her ex.

    A lot of ppl get back with their ex but it usually never works out. She’s still emotionally broken and has no idea what she wants. Moving on would be the best course of action
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  3. #3
    Registered User RyanT7's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I’d say the mistake you made was taking a girl who’s straight out of a relationship on a date. I’ve been there and it always scares them off or reminds them of the times she had with her ex. Plus pushing to be exclusive on these kinda girls is a death sentence. I think she’s doing you a solid right now by telling you that she wants to be friends. Leave it at that and go date other people. Let her know that if she ever changes her mind she can reach out but you wont reach out. If you got into a relationship setting right now im sure she would have jumped ship a few months in and gotten back with her ex.

    A lot of ppl get back with their ex but it usually never works out. She’s still emotionally broken and has no idea what she wants. Moving on would be the best course of action
    First, thanks for the response, much appreciated.

    Yep i 100% regret pushing that exclusive chit, i had no idea how dating even worked like this since ive barely in the dating game since my first relo we got together very smoothy LOL

    I definitely don't want a relo right now with her because its obvious she isn't over him and i dont want to be a rebound

    I just want to know what the best course of action would be to keep talking to her and meeting up while giving her the space/time she needs to recover right now

    like in the current situation, how should i hit her up to see if she wants to meet up again?
    Last edited by RyanT7; 02-16-2021 at 07:42 AM.
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  4. #4
    Registered User redliner9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I’d say the mistake you made was taking a girl who’s straight out of a relationship on a date. I’ve been there and it always scares them off or reminds them of the times she had with her ex. Plus pushing to be exclusive on these kinda girls is a death sentence. I think she’s doing you a solid right now by telling you that she wants to be friends. Leave it at that and go date other people. Let her know that if she ever changes her mind she can reach out but you wont reach out. If you got into a relationship setting right now im sure she would have jumped ship a few months in and gotten back with her ex.

    A lot of ppl get back with their ex but it usually never works out. She’s still emotionally broken and has no idea what she wants. Moving on would be the best course of action
    Gotta say that most women I get a date with havent been single long, rarely have they been single 6+ months.

    I dont see anything wrong with seeing her AND other people.

    Just back off a little and hangout when you can.
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  5. #5
    Biomed Brah Hypernation's Avatar
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    You’re young.

    She’s young and fresh out of the only thing that’s had meaning in her life.

    She will rebound to him for a while most likely.

    Move on, or be a “friend”.

    Stop being a spastic.
    It’s as straight forward as what I said.
    You have my word as a Schons.
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  6. #6
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Act like nothing happened and continue to escalate and you can prob do things that people who are "just friends" don't do.

    But emotionally, she likely isn't ready so prepare for it to not last.

    & yes - you brought up exclusivity too early.
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  7. #7
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Yes you brought up being exclusive too soon. But she's young and could change her mind tomorrow. Maybe just strike up some casual conversation before bringing up going out again?
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    Sloots are weird man. I’ve had some perfectly fine doing that stuff but just wanted to be friends.
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  9. #9
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    Personally I don't think you did anything wrong. She just wasn't ready for a relationship. I had this happen myself. She was trying to see me to get over her ex. Unfortunately I really liked her since she was from my past. We even got close to sleeping with each other but it was the height of covid and I wanted more than one-nighter. I knew something was off because we just reconnected and she already wanted to meet up so quickly to do the deed. But I knew she wanted use me to get her mind off her ex because the next few weeks she didn't talk about anything else but him. Turns out she actually got back with him and that messed me up because we even setup a time to meet and grab drinks. I got along with her gfs.

    But yeah, thats just how life works sometimes. Just take the life's punches and move forward.
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    she just got out of a relationship 2 months ago and most likely is still hurting emotionally. probably just need some space, you may still have a chance but just move on and talk to other girls. no need to push it
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    sloots gonna sloot,

    Keep working on yourself champ!
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    kinda like Canadian said, I don't think you made any mistakes, she's just not available. You prob still have a chance, but don't push it. She didn't reject your advances because she thinks you're a nice person and doesn't want to put you off, BUT now that you know she isn't ready, DON'T push it. Just be friends if you dig her, and when she finds out you're an awesome person, then maybe you guys can date. You're young, so you're not really wasting your time. Obviously if you're against this because you think it's beta, then don't do it, but at the very least, explain to her why you'd rather not be friends and wish her the best. If you abandon her out of the blue, well she's already sad about her ex, and this will make it worse. Def be clear and explain - make sure you add in why you took the time to explain as well (explain the explanation) so that she knows not only why you don't want to see her anymore, but also that your explanation was supposed to take you off the hook (since although she may know why, she can't feel why, and if she can't feel why, then she'll need a constant reminder that you ended things the best way possible).
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    Hang out, have fun, and hook up. That’s all you need to do. If she wants a relationship she’ll ask for it
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    You're the rebound guy : smash but don't get attached. She's not ready to be in a relationship yet.
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    Originally Posted by MirinCanadian99 View Post
    I’d say the mistake you made was taking a girl who’s straight out of a relationship on a date. I’ve been there and it always scares them off or reminds them of the times she had with her ex. Plus pushing to be exclusive on these kinda girls is a death sentence. I think she’s doing you a solid right now by telling you that she wants to be friends. Leave it at that and go date other people. Let her know that if she ever changes her mind she can reach out but you wont reach out. If you got into a relationship setting right now im sure she would have jumped ship a few months in and gotten back with her ex.

    A lot of ppl get back with their ex but it usually never works out. She’s still emotionally broken and has no idea what she wants. Moving on would be the best course of action
    Agree with this opie, don't try to be exclusive with a girl who has just come out of a relationship. She seems like a genuinely decent girl if she has let you know that she is confused right now. Most of the time a person in her position will string someone new along and kick them to the curb the moment their ex comes back into the picture, i.e. rebound relationship.

    You should just let her know that you're interested in her but understand she needs time to sort her **** out and that she can reach out to you when she does and if she realizes she wants to pursue something other than friends with you. Then stop contacting her and try to date other people.

    If you try to push things with her she might cave in, but seeing as you were pushing for exclusivity so soon, it sounds like you're already pretty attached to her. There is nothing wrong with that if that's how you feel, but as long as she is still thinking of her ex you're setting yourself up to get heartbroken. If her ex comes back into the picture before she has completely gotten over him then its very likely that she will not hesitate to go back to him and leave you more hurt than you feel now
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