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  1. #1
    Registered User dustcloud1's Avatar
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    Break up, I feel like there is still hope. Thoughts?

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 8/9 months. 25f, 34m. We’re 9 years apart and I don’t notice the age difference. We get along like a house on fire, always laughing together. He tells me regularly ‘I laugh so much with you’, I know his friends, his family know about me but we haven’t been able to meet due to Covid. He used to call his parents every Sunday but since we’ve been dating, it’s become less and less. To me this is also a sign of being in a relationship with someone. We normally see each other a few times a week, sometimes less or more depending on our schedule. He invites me to all the 'big' things in his life, for example, we were going to go to his medical ball together (he would've been seen with me in front of other girls if there is anything nefarious). When we drive or hangout in different areas together, he likes to look up the prices of houses. He's also said in front of me how cute kids are and that he can't wait to do that one day. Signs to me he's testing my reaction and seeing if I want that as well.

    A few months into dating, he asked to make sure that we’re not seeing other people. He isn’t into casual sex and I think exclusivity is important to him. A few months ago I was anxious about what we were - he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought this is something that he would’ve wanted to do. He’s traditional, wanting something serious such as marriage/family. We had a few talks about the direction of our relationship, he said there were a few things he was a bit concerned about, a few things we maybe didn’t have in common (he’s very risk-averse and overthinks everything). His concerns were things like ‘I like anime and you don’t’ ‘I like fiction books and you don’t’

    He’s studying so after that conversation he said he would decide at the end of his exams, his exams have finished now. He went away recently with some of his University friends, he was unsure of whether to go (seemed like he wanted to be with me, haha) and wanted to see me before he left. I’ve felt good about everything between us post-exams as I had a feeling he was going to slowly contact me less and less and try and see me less - due to his uncertainty.

    One night on the phone, I told him that I wasn’t quite sure whether continuing to have sex with him was a wise idea as we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. He was confused that I said it was casual. I said ‘well, we aren’t in a relationship’ and he said ‘you are my girlfriend’ I’m certain he went onto say ’I thought we’ve known this since we started dating’ so I then asked him ‘well if I was to meet a new friend of yours that I haven’t met, would you introduce me as your girlfriend? And he said yes. Unfortunately, he has to repeat his exams so I may not be able to see him for a while, I do need to clarify that he actually meant this.

    I just wonder why he had this hesitancy a few times when we had the discussion a few months back though? There was even a point where I suggested we should end things because he wasn't so sure and he agreed. Maybe this is natural though and a reflection of his risk-averse attitude about things. There were just some uncertainties on his part. He said he could've been overthinking it. As a result, it sort of made me more anxious and I suggested we should end it.

    We were the other day asking to see me and said it’ll be good to have a proper chat about things as we’ve both been putting things off, as so he said.

    I got to his house, he said yes I have been his girlfriend all along and he doesn't know why I would think otherwise. He said that he feels its the best decision for us to end things due to our age gap and our differences, he claims we're very different people. I personally do not see this as I feel like we share the same values, we're compatible in a lot of areas etc. He told me that he finds me beautiful, loves my sense of humour and that we get along and have fun together. I did mention that we handle conflict differently but our only arguments have been over text/call and since that's such a poor form of communication - it's hard to tell.

    He started to cry (this is the most emotion I've seen from him), saying he won't be able to cook me any more dinners and our memories shared together. He then went back and forth and said he doesn't know if he's making the right decision, that he will never find someone like me, I am out of his league etc. He said maybe he's just one big idiot after all and he's made a stupid decision. I was calm in my response and he said "why don't you get angry? this is making it more difficult" in a somewhat cute way. He just kept saying that lately everything has been solidified in his brain that it's the most responsible decision.

    Now I feel like since we've been arguing quite a bit the past few weeks and he's been stressed, possibly his decision is skewed. I hadn't seen him in 2 or 3 weeks due to exams and I asked whether maybe we just got cold feet because of us not seeing each other. I remember months ago he said he sometimes questions us in absence.

    We spent over 4 hours talking and it was like he didn't want me to leave nor did I. He then asked if we should go to dinner together. He finally walked me to my car and he couldn't stop crying.

    Something in me decided to message him this morning:

    Me - Morning 😊 I don’t know if messaging you is the best idea, but I hope you haven’t woken up too sad. If you ever want to catch up on neutral grounds, a coffee or lunch, don’t hesitate - I still consider you a friend. Even under these circumstances, it was nice to see you last night and I am saddened I won’t be able to have more of them with you. That’s all ❤️

    Him - Morning! I was in two minds as to whether to message you with the same sentiment 😅 I feel very much the same. Like you say it’s always nice seeing you, and it’s hard for me to think we won’t be sharing more moments together. I really hope you’re feeling ok today ❤️ Enjoy the rest of your weekend 😊

    Me - Aw, well if you’re keen to catch up in a week to come or a few months, let me know. I’m trying to not make this any harder for us but it is difficult. I didn’t react with anger because that’s genuinely not how I feel about us. I miss you, enjoy your morning eggs ❤️

    Him - Will do ❤️ miss you too, at least you can have your eggs with olive oil today 😅

    Do you think it feels like he still possibly wants to be together?

    **TL;DR** 8 months into dating, he finally broke the news to me that we should end what we have based on our age gap and some differences.
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  2. #2
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    dolvioblue is offline
    No he does not want to be together anymore. He is missing you but you can break up with people and still miss those little things. To make this easier on him just let him go. It will also allow you to move on as well and meet new possibilities.
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  3. #3
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    skinnyfat88 is offline
    Originally Posted by dustcloud1 View Post

    Me - Aw, well if you’re keen to catch up in a week to come or a few months, let me know. I’m trying to not make this any harder for us but it is difficult. I didn’t react with anger because that’s genuinely not how I feel about us. I miss you, enjoy your morning eggs ❤️

    Him - Will do ❤️ miss you too, at least you can have your eggs with olive oil today

    Do you think it feels like he still possibly wants to be together?
    Do NOT try to catch up as friends.

    He broke things off so if he changes his mind it is up to him to reach out.

    Whatever his true motivation is to breaking up, he will not change his mind by knowing he has you wrapped around his finger. The only thing that will change his mind is by him missing you/thinking he lost you.
    You know how these feelings may arise in him? By you NEVER reaching out and not giving in to admitting how you miss him blah blah if he reaches out.

    You know what else may happen by going NC?
    You two might just get over each other and if that's the case then it was never meant to be.
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  4. #4
    Registered User soberchuck's Avatar
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  5. #5
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  6. #6
    Breaker of Gains JStrez's Avatar
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    Whenever a girl text's me "aw" I'd rather jump off a cliff.
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  7. #7
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    dolvioblue is offline
    Originally Posted by JStrez View Post
    Whenever a girl text's me "aw" I'd rather jump off a cliff.
    I feel this way also.
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  8. #8
    Registered User Caldef's Avatar
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    Sorry honey but hes just not that into you

    Hes trying to be nice about it but he doesnt think youre the one.

    He may well be stupid and throwing away the best thing hes ever had. But trying to persuade him to change his mind, or trying to stay "friends" will do nothing to bring him back.

    He MIGHT come to that realization if you leave him alone and give him a chance to miss you, or you might both realise you're just fine without each other anyway.
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  9. #9
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    skinnyfat88 is offline
    Originally Posted by Caldef View Post
    Sorry honey but hes just not that into you

    Hes trying to be nice about it but he doesnt think youre the one.

    He may well be stupid and throwing away the best thing hes ever had. But trying to persuade him to change his mind, or trying to stay "friends" will do nothing to bring him back.

    He MIGHT come to that realization if you leave him alone and give him a chance to miss you, or you might both realise you're just fine without each other anyway.
    This.

    He just doesn't see himself with you longterm so he's ending it. The fact he's emotional/crying means yes he will miss you but make no mistake this does not change the fact his mind is made up and time/space/distance is the only chance you have at a legit reconciliation.
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  10. #10
    Registered User dustcloud1's Avatar
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    Thanks, everyone. I'm starting on NC now. We have never not texted for longer than a few days so shall be interesting.
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