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  1. #1
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Asking a girl out when others are around?

    Hi,
    I am currently in a social sport that has a mix of girls and guys. There is one girl that I am particular interested in.
    The problem is that we are always in a group with others, so can't talk to her individually.

    My team when out for dinner before our game last week and we got there before the others but for only like 2 minutes.


    What should I do?

    Thanks
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  2. #2
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    this is something I've personally struggled with and tried. I'll just start with reminding myself that, even though it's hard and unlikely, you won't be able to get her by doing nothing. Sometimes you just have to do it, even if you don't have a plan, because it's the only way. Since you're hanging out in a group on the regular, there will be plenty of opportunities to either get closer to her, or single her out. Since you have seen her often, but don't have the opportunity to talk to her, there's really nothing you can do except be honest and tell her your intentions - something like "Hey I never get the chance to say this, but I think you're really _________, you wanna meet up sometime" something like that, obviously say w/e you want to say. I'd do this by giving hints that you're into her, like look at her more often than you do everyone else, and let her catch you, and flash a smile (you can judge her body language here too). And then catch her alone, like at the end of the hangout and you guys all split. If she drives by herself, even better, if not, then it's going to be tougher obviously, but you can catch her while she's walking back to her car with someone else, stay in their convo by continuing to comment on something you three all heard about during the hang out, and when she walks over to her side of the car, pull her aside and ask her. You have to be quick, deliberate, and suave. The last thing I can suggest is, you might get lucky and one day bring up an activity she's super into and she'll chime in and you can offer to take her out for it. You can somewhat create this opportunity by paying attention to what she says and figure out something that she hints at wanting to do or do a little detective work and figure out what she wants to do. You can also pick something she does on the regular. And then you go do it yourself and you'd bring up during the next hang out. She'll bite for sure, if she doesn't then she's not interested in you at all. If you or her slyly suggest to do it together next time, then after the hang out, now you have an obvious reason to talk to her privately. The point is, you don't have to take my suggestions, but it should be along the lines of: you just have to deliver your intentions to her (silently and verbally) on one of the opportunities you can single her out; and nothing is going to happen unless you do something so you have to do something.
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    Registered User Icepops81's Avatar
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    Always better to take a chance then to always wonder what could have happened. If you don’t take chances you’ll live a mediocre life!!!
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    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Is she interested in you? Does she try and talk to you or seem warm? Honestly, just flat out say you'd like to hang out sometime.

    You "Hey, care to do something this weekend?"
    Her "Yea, definitely"
    You "Great, Saturday?"
    Her "Yes, sounds good"

    Easy
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  5. #5
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    this is something I've personally struggled with and tried. I'll just start with reminding myself that, even though it's hard and unlikely, you won't be able to get her by doing nothing. Sometimes you just have to do it, even if you don't have a plan, because it's the only way. Since you're hanging out in a group on the regular, there will be plenty of opportunities to either get closer to her, or single her out. Since you have seen her often, but don't have the opportunity to talk to her, there's really nothing you can do except be honest and tell her your intentions - something like "Hey I never get the chance to say this, but I think you're really _________, you wanna meet up sometime" something like that, obviously say w/e you want to say. I'd do this by giving hints that you're into her, like look at her more often than you do everyone else, and let her catch you, and flash a smile (you can judge her body language here too). And then catch her alone, like at the end of the hangout and you guys all split. If she drives by herself, even better, if not, then it's going to be tougher obviously, but you can catch her while she's walking back to her car with someone else, stay in their convo by continuing to comment on something you three all heard about during the hang out, and when she walks over to her side of the car, pull her aside and ask her. You have to be quick, deliberate, and suave. The last thing I can suggest is, you might get lucky and one day bring up an activity she's super into and she'll chime in and you can offer to take her out for it. You can somewhat create this opportunity by paying attention to what she says and figure out something that she hints at wanting to do or do a little detective work and figure out what she wants to do. You can also pick something she does on the regular. And then you go do it yourself and you'd bring up during the next hang out. She'll bite for sure, if she doesn't then she's not interested in you at all. If you or her slyly suggest to do it together next time, then after the hang out, now you have an obvious reason to talk to her privately. The point is, you don't have to take my suggestions, but it should be along the lines of: you just have to deliver your intentions to her (silently and verbally) on one of the opportunities you can single her out; and nothing is going to happen unless you do something so you have to do something.
    Hi,

    Thanks for the reply. I don't know how to quote single lines so I have to quote everything.

    Firstly, she is very responsive to the group whatsapp chat and she is the one who suggested everyone have dinner before the game. So I think she is very interested in meeting new people at least. And in the 2 minutes we were talking alone at the restaurant, she was very responsive to the conversation and asking me questions etc..

    Do you think she would mind if I am younger than her? I am 24 but she is 25.
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  6. #6
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Icepops81 View Post
    Always better to take a chance then to always wonder what could have happened. If you don’t take chances you’ll live a mediocre life!!!
    Yep! I agree. I wish I was like this 10 years ago..
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  7. #7
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Is she interested in you? Does she try and talk to you or seem warm? Honestly, just flat out say you'd like to hang out sometime.

    You "Hey, care to do something this weekend?"
    Her "Yea, definitely"
    You "Great, Saturday?"
    Her "Yes, sounds good"

    Easy
    Thanks for the reply. For the 2 minutes we were talking alone at the restaurant, I was talking and she was asking me questions for me to elaborate more. She was doing that with the group though. She was also the one who organised the dinner before the game. So she is keen to meet new people at least.

    The problem is that I can't do it around other people.

    Also, do you think she will be okay with going out with me when I just turned 24 and she is 25?
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  8. #8
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    Thanks for the reply. For the 2 minutes we were talking alone at the restaurant, I was talking and she was asking me questions for me to elaborate more. She was doing that with the group though. She was also the one who organised the dinner before the game. So she is keen to meet new people at least.

    The problem is that I can't do it around other people.

    Also, do you think she will be okay with going out with me when I just turned 24 and she is 25?
    Hmm that’s a pretty big age gap... kidding dude you’re the same age. If you two are on the same page in life she won’t care about a year difference.

    Try saying casually to her next time you see her if you can chat with her after the group thing is over. Or if she has a couple minutes to chat in private. Or ask to grab her number to call her later on. I know it’s hard but asking to chat after other have gone is totally fine.
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    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    you can't tell her you like her in the few min before, but that's a good start, to build rapport, keep doing that, no harm in doing so except you can't ask her out at the beginning. You have to do it at the end because if you just assume 50/50 chance like you or not, then if she doesn't, it'll ruin the vibe for the rest of the hang out. It'll be hella awkward between you two. You have to do it at the end, so that if she rejects you, you can laugh it off and tell her it's fine, and she'll leave and not have to see your body language for the next few hrs. If you do it at the beginning, laugh it off and tell her it's fine, then for the next few hrs, you'll slip some signs of discomfort and it's going to affect her and future hangouts. It's best if she doesn't see that so you have to do it at the end to maximize peace, and next time, greet her early and look totally refreshed and no awkward tension post-rejection, and you'll just continue being normal friends. It will be difficult to continue being normal friends if you have to go through a few hrs of awkwardness, and it'll look like it's your fault too.

    lastly, 24-25 is nothing. trust me bro.
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  10. #10
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Hmm that’s a pretty big age gap... kidding dude you’re the same age. If you two are on the same page in life she won’t care about a year difference.

    Try saying casually to her next time you see her if you can chat with her after the group thing is over. Or if she has a couple minutes to chat in private. Or ask to grab her number to call her later on. I know it’s hard but asking to chat after other have gone is totally fine.
    I might get there earlier this week. I think she works nearby and usually goes straight there rather than going home, so I might try and get there earlier. Hopefully no one else is there.

    Another problem is that I don't know how to pronounce her name. I see it in the whatsapp group but don't actually know how to say it correctly. No one says her name as well so I can't just get it off them either.

    What can I do?
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  11. #11
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    you can't tell her you like her in the few min before, but that's a good start, to build rapport, keep doing that, no harm in doing so except you can't ask her out at the beginning. You have to do it at the end because if you just assume 50/50 chance like you or not, then if she doesn't, it'll ruin the vibe for the rest of the hang out. It'll be hella awkward between you two. You have to do it at the end, so that if she rejects you, you can laugh it off and tell her it's fine, and she'll leave and not have to see your body language for the next few hrs. If you do it at the beginning, laugh it off and tell her it's fine, then for the next few hrs, you'll slip some signs of discomfort and it's going to affect her and future hangouts. It's best if she doesn't see that so you have to do it at the end to maximize peace, and next time, greet her early and look totally refreshed and no awkward tension post-rejection, and you'll just continue being normal friends. It will be difficult to continue being normal friends if you have to go through a few hrs of awkwardness, and it'll look like it's your fault too.

    lastly, 24-25 is nothing. trust me bro.
    Yes, I agree about asking her out at the end.

    I will be getting there earlier this week because she works nearby and goes straight there. So hopefully I can talk to her (just talk to her, not ask her out). Try and build chemistry and then next week possibly, pop the question..lol but after the game of course.

    Another issue I have is that I don't actually know how to pronounce her name correctly. I know her name but don't know how to say it. I have known her for 3 weeks now.
    What can I do?
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    This might differ based on personal style. For instance, I'm more the private type who doesn't like my personal business being "out there" under public scrutiny. I think what's key is to choose an approach consistent with your predominate character, so you're not "out" of character. Case illustrated:

    I had a gym crush recently with a 6.5-7. Kept relations with the crush exact same as (on equal par with) all other gym members at the gym. My standard practice is to keep all communications with both male and female respectful and cordial as possible in all public venues. Public flirtation is simply not incorporated as part of my routine style of interacting with others in public. (No one knows who I'm crushing on, including my crush, which is how I prefer it unless/until we're an official public couple.)

    Staying consistent with my daily MO, after my workout and before heading out the door, I then politely asked my crush to step a minute aside for just a quick question. Crush agreed, we step away from others and sit down. I pop the question "are you single"? "I have a ring" was my answer. I said "ok, got it". We both laugh it off, get up and go back to normal. All is good. Zero awkwardness afterwards, as the whole ordeal was kept cordial and business-like, and key: did not force either of us to step out of character or make a fool of ourselves in public.

    I'm not saying you need to get the person to sit down. It could be done standing, but you do need a minute of privacy where they look you in the eye directly and not be distracted. Once eyes/attention is locked in, work your way through the following steps as quickly and gracefully as possible. The following script I wrote for myself just to keep it tight (2 minutes max) and on track:

    a) are you single? if yes,
    b) you in the market for which - LTR or FWB? if FWB, "thank you for your honesty, good luck on your search" (peace/out), otherwise if LTR,
    c) would you like to meet for coffee/tea sometime? if yes,
    d) how about date/time/place? if yes,
    e) "how about I get your number so I can call you to confirm 24 hours ahead of time we're still on", if yes,
    f) "cool, I'll let you get back to business/your friends, thanks for your time, I'll call you to confirm" (peace/out)

    (Disclosure: I have not got past step a) yet because I just got started and only did one "ask" so far. I've only just in the past week decided it's time to find a LTR. My plan is it go to a different gym franchise every week and work the above script until I close on someone.)

    Anyhow, putting this approach out there in case it's helpful for OP. Don't know yet long term results, we'll see what happens. If it turns out to be a complete disaster, then obviously a course correction will be put into place. Either way, good luck whichever approach you choose, just make sure it fits you AND you don't take forever to ask. There was one post from a miscer who waited six months of conversation with his gym crush only to be told she had a boyfriend at the very end. He wasted all that six months of effort/convo for nothing. That's why I wrote a tight script and sticking with it. Getting it down to two minutes or less will help reduce wasting time on someone who can't have or won't want you.
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    lol, easy problem, since you're going to talk to her again early, just ask her as soon as you greet her there. Hopefully you two are the first two there as usual. "Heyyyyy xxname" and give her a friendly hug, she says hey back, and just clarify real quick, "hey so how do you say your name again? I keep getting it mixed up." end it with something reliable like "cool, I'll remember it!" and not something gay like "cool, that's a pretty name." easy, that's it, then talk about w/e.

    I'm going to sum up @Rattelsnake's advice with: don't be fake, be genuine. and that's true too, girls can smell it, heck, guys smell it. People in general know when someone is being fake. That's prob one of the things I hated the most about my ex. you have to be yourself, so that she falls for your true self, and being genuine shows confidence and strength, as well as trustworthiness, AND as an added bonus along with what Rattelsnake said, it's basically the easiest way for you to act because it's how you normally are. That's the fact of the matter, if you're weird, then you're just going to have to find a weird girl or someone who digs weird. you gotta be genuine.
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    I might get there earlier this week. I think she works nearby and usually goes straight there rather than going home, so I might try and get there earlier. Hopefully no one else is there.

    Another problem is that I don't know how to pronounce her name. I see it in the whatsapp group but don't actually know how to say it correctly. No one says her name as well so I can't just get it off them either.

    What can I do?

    Ask her next time you see her, now you have an easy starting point to a conversation.

    If people are ALWAYS around, atleast try to get some more time talking with her. Worse case you could ask her on whats app but she has to know who the hell you are.
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    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the replies!

    I got there earlier but she was late. And when she got there we went straight into the game.

    Now I have to wait another effing week! Really disappointed tbh!
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    Thanks for all the replies!

    I got there earlier but she was late. And when she got there we went straight into the game.

    Now I have to wait another effing week! Really disappointed tbh!
    and what happened afterward?? you didn't find ANY opportunity to get her alone? waiting this long, you're gonna be friendzoned.
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    and what happened afterward?? you didn't find ANY opportunity to get her alone? waiting this long, you're gonna be friendzoned.
    Yep there was no opportunity tonight! I parked closer to the door whereas I have noticed that she always parks further down and has to walk back to her car. There is an opportunity right there!! So I will park further away next week!

    Yeah I don't want to get friend zoned but don't you have to actually talk first for that to happen?
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    Yep there was no opportunity tonight! I parked closer to the door whereas I have noticed that she always parks further down and has to walk back to her car. There is an opportunity right there!! So I will park further away next week!

    Yeah I don't want to get friend zoned but don't you have to actually talk first for that to happen?
    Is there any chance you could call her? Message on social media?
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    Yep there was no opportunity tonight! I parked closer to the door whereas I have noticed that she always parks further down and has to walk back to her car. There is an opportunity right there!! So I will park further away next week!

    Yeah I don't want to get friend zoned but don't you have to actually talk first for that to happen?
    NOPE because the act of knowing about one's existence without making your interest clear is a sign that you're not that into her and she'll stop being curious about you. If you meet a girl, she will be curious about you for a certain short period. Even without saying anything, if you wait until after that period, then she is no longer curious and you are friendzoned (most likely). I'd say 2 weeks is the maximum, after that is like trying to conceive after 35, it's possible, but higher chance of failure.
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  20. #20
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Is there any chance you could call her? Message on social media?
    I could message her on whatsapp but she doesn't have facebook or instagram.
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  21. #21
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    NOPE because the act of knowing about one's existence without making your interest clear is a sign that you're not that into her and she'll stop being curious about you. If you meet a girl, she will be curious about you for a certain short period. Even without saying anything, if you wait until after that period, then she is no longer curious and you are friendzoned (most likely). I'd say 2 weeks is the maximum, after that is like trying to conceive after 35, it's possible, but higher chance of failure.
    So you still think I have a chance though? I am still going to make a huge effort though.

    The good think about the end of the year is that the sports comp will be having a christmas party sometime but that is too late for me.
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  22. #22
    Registered User JustMoved24's Avatar
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    No problem with it. I know she’s going to say yes so go in for the kill. TunnelvisionMAXXXX
    New York
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  23. #23
    Weapon of Mass Seduction S0LID's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    Hi,
    I am currently in a social sport that has a mix of girls and guys. There is one girl that I am particular interested in.
    The problem is that we are always in a group with others, so can't talk to her individually.

    My team when out for dinner before our game last week and we got there before the others but for only like 2 minutes.


    What should I do?

    Thanks
    Don't focus on a fancy pants stratergy, that's more effort than it's worth.

    1)Add to social media,
    2)message her for a generic chat about the group,
    3)throw in flirty comment and gadge reaction
    4)if it's positive or neurtal show full intent and put cards on table... if it's negative be polite and friendly, then quickly put your mind into other girls/possible options.

    Do not put too much stock into this, it's one of them random nothing situations which every man gets into.
    ++ Positive Crew ++

    My mamma said to get things done, you better not mess with Major Tom.
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  24. #24
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by S0LID View Post
    Don't focus on a fancy pants stratergy, that's more effort than it's worth.

    1)Add to social media,
    2)message her for a generic chat about the group,
    3)throw in flirty comment and gadge reaction
    4)if it's positive or neurtal show full intent and put cards on table... if it's negative be polite and friendly, then quickly put your mind into other girls/possible options.

    Do not put too much stock into this, it's one of them random nothing situations which every man gets into.
    Hi, she doesn’t have Facebook or Instagram.
    Do you mean message her directly?
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  25. #25
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Hi all, I’ve got sports on again tonight. What I’m doing tonight is:
    - Get there earlier (at least 20 mins)
    - Park further away so I can hopefully talk to her when walking back to cars.
    I am probably thinking too much into this but do you think there is a reason she parks quite far away? After we all had dinner 2 weeks ago, she still went to the furthest away car spaces, even though there were closer spots to the front door.
    Any other tips besides the other that were posted?

    Thanks
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  26. #26
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    Hi all, I’ve got sports on again tonight. What I’m doing tonight is:
    - Get there earlier (at least 20 mins)
    - Park further away so I can hopefully talk to her when walking back to cars.
    I am probably thinking too much into this but do you think there is a reason she parks quite far away? After we all had dinner 2 weeks ago, she still went to the furthest away car spaces, even though there were closer spots to the front door.
    Any other tips besides the other that were posted?

    Thanks
    don't chicken out this time. I usually remind myself that, "wait, I'm not a little b-word, I'm not a pussy."
    Goals:

    -lose 10-15 more lbs...

    02/15/2017: 228
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    got into gradschool!!
    back to single life again
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  27. #27
    CoolGuy RulesOfNature's Avatar
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    never do this op cold approach is already non-viable for most men and in a group you are basically asking for failure. either find her somehow not with other people, contact her online somehow, or give up
    War is a cruel parent, but an effective teacher!
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  28. #28
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    FFS!😩
    She said she’s not going tonight!
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  29. #29
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jazzadude96 View Post
    FFS!
    She said she’s not going tonight!
    sh*x, prob not happening man. she sees you as only a friend, you didn't make any huge impact on her, not enough to make her want to go every single time (unlike you). maybe just keep your crush to yourself unless she starts taking interest in you. It's been way too long since these started for you not to make a move or capture her attention.

    any reason why she didn't go though? had a date?
    Goals:

    -lose 10-15 more lbs...

    02/15/2017: 228
    228-224-218-216-214-210-210-210-210-209
    195-192-189-188-186

    got into gradschool!!
    back to single life again
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  30. #30
    Registered User jazzadude96's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    sh*x, prob not happening man. she sees you as only a friend, you didn't make any huge impact on her, not enough to make her want to go every single time (unlike you). maybe just keep your crush to yourself unless she starts taking interest in you. It's been way too long since these started for you not to make a move or capture her attention.

    any reason why she didn't go though? had a date?
    Hmm yeah but she didn’t go because she was sick.
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