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  1. #1
    Registered User TJW2020's Avatar
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    How long should I wait after a (seemingly) great first date before setting a second?

    We're both 32. I'm just getting back into dating after a breakup a few months ago, so I'm rusty at this.

    Had what I considered an awesome first date Friday night. We met for drinks, then went for a little walk around the area, sat down, kept talking, I kissed her two different times during this sit-down, then walked her back to her car where we kissed again, I said "tonight was fun," she said the same, I told her goodnight and to drive safe, and that was the date. There's been no contact since then.

    I'd really like to see her again, but I also don't want to come off as OVERLY interested or needy. I was thinking of texting her tomorrow and saying "Friday was a lot of fun. I'd love to take you out again this week" and seeing how she responds.

    Thoughts? Advice? Like I said, I'm rusty at doing the dating thing and I'm also in my own head about this a lot more than I should be.
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  2. #2
    Registered User TugOfPeace's Avatar
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    it doesn't really matter. few years back I texted a girl that I had a good time as soon as I got home from the date. she responded in agreement immediately and suggested a next time

    last week I texted a girl the day after and she rejected me


    depends on the girl, if she's a good one it doesn't matter but if she's a typical 2020 sloot you should wait a bit. they'll ghost at the slightest sign of neediness/weakness
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  3. #3
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    you just play it by ear, the more you two are vibing, the sooner you can ask. you only have to be cautious if you aren't sure. If it goes well, I always hint at a second date when I leave her the first time. If it doesn't go so well, I'll either do nothing or text back when I'm bored.
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  4. #4
    Registered User kovalchuk71's Avatar
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    Wait a bit and see if she reaches out to you?
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  5. #5
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    Originally Posted by kovalchuk71 View Post
    Wait a bit and see if she reaches out to you?
    The woman I'm seeing now contacted me and drove 2 hours the day after our first date to make love to me.

    You're doing it wrong.

    Don't stress yourself out wondering if people want to be in your life. If they like you they will make an effort. If they don't they won't.

    Only let people into your life that have genuine interest and affection for you. Don't stress out or waste time on low quality low interest people.

    Let them walk away and don't give them a second thought. You will be much happier in life and in love.
    Last edited by Kev1972; 10-25-2020 at 04:16 AM.
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  6. #6
    Registered User randomuser12345's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kev1972 View Post
    The woman I'm seeing now contacted me and drove 2 hours the day after our first date to make love to me.

    You're doing it wrong.

    Don't stress yourself out wondering if people want to be in your life. If they like you they will make an effort. If they don't they won't.

    Only let people into your life that have genuine interest and affection for you. Don't stress out or waste time on low quality low interest people.

    Let them walk away and don't give them a second thought. You will be much happier in life and in love.
    And what if she thinks the same way?
    You are talking about girls that have greater interest in you than you have in them. This is ofcours feels great and all but is pretty rare.
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  7. #7
    Here's beer Mr Beer's Avatar
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    I'd set it up straight away because if I was excited about a girl and thought it went well, that's what's on my mind. I guess I could dick around and play games though because everything is fukked up in 2020, so who know what the best approach is.
    Cope or Rope boyos.

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    Just lol if you aren’t setting up the 2nd date during the 1st date .
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  9. #9
    Registered User TJW2020's Avatar
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    Whelp. Bad news so far because there isn't any news. Texted her ~2 hours ago saying: "Hey. Friday was a lot of fun. I'd love to take you out again this week", and haven't heard back...

    All I can say is that we're friends on instagram and she had posted a story at some point before I sent the text about being at brunch with a friend, so it's possible she's busy. But damn... Now I have a ton of anxiety waiting for her text back and am just thinking the worst case scenario. F*ck
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    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    Whelp. Bad news so far because there isn't any news. Texted her ~2 hours ago saying: "Hey. Friday was a lot of fun. I'd love to take you out again this week", and haven't heard back...

    All I can say is that we're friends on instagram and she had posted a story at some point before I sent the text about being at brunch with a friend, so it's possible she's busy. But damn... Now I have a ton of anxiety waiting for her text back and am just thinking the worst case scenario. F*ck
    how old are you? I remember I used to think that way, but I grew out of it. It's just young and desperate, and normal. You'll grow out of it too. It doesn't mean you failed either. It just means you should quell your excitement and have an attitude where if it doesn't work out - it's ok. It doesn't mean you are aloof and act uninterested, that's douchebag stuff. If she shows interest, then unlock the gates in your mind and be excited! You have to be ready to accept interest as well as accept disinterest. It takes time.
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  11. #11
    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    Whelp. Bad news so far because there isn't any news. Texted her ~2 hours ago saying: "Hey. Friday was a lot of fun. I'd love to take you out again this week", and haven't heard back...

    All I can say is that we're friends on instagram and she had posted a story at some point before I sent the text about being at brunch with a friend, so it's possible she's busy. But damn... Now I have a ton of anxiety waiting for her text back and am just thinking the worst case scenario. F*ck
    She may just be busy with her friend. I wouldn't worry unless you don't hear back by tonight.
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  12. #12
    Registered User TJW2020's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    She may just be busy with her friend. I wouldn't worry unless you don't hear back by tonight.
    I want to believe ha. Except she just posted another instagram story about missing being in california or something. So she can post that story, but can't respond to my text about taking her out again. Ugh. The date legitimately seemed amazing. The conversation was great, no awkward moments, great eye contact (her pupils were dilated the entire night), I expected us to go right back to our cars after leaving the bar, but she wanted to go for a walk, then wanted to sit down (which I took as an invitation to kiss her), kissed her twice while sitting down and talking, then again at her car before leaving. Nothing felt forced and there was chemistry there. This is really insulting if she's actually ghosting me. I didn't take her as the ghosting type. And she's 32. That, plus I feel horrible considering I was dumped in my last relationship, and now feel rejected by the first person I've felt chemistry with since that breakup. Once again... Ugh
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  13. #13
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    No need to wait at all. If it was good for both of you, you’re both anxious to do it again.
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  14. #14
    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    I want to believe ha. Except she just posted another instagram story about missing being in california or something. So she can post that story, but can't respond to my text about taking her out again. Ugh. The date legitimately seemed amazing. The conversation was great, no awkward moments, great eye contact (her pupils were dilated the entire night), I expected us to go right back to our cars after leaving the bar, but she wanted to go for a walk, then wanted to sit down (which I took as an invitation to kiss her), kissed her twice while sitting down and talking, then again at her car before leaving. Nothing felt forced and there was chemistry there. This is really insulting if she's actually ghosting me. I didn't take her as the ghosting type. And she's 32. That, plus I feel horrible considering I was dumped in my last relationship, and now feel rejected by the first person I've felt chemistry with since that breakup. Once again... Ugh
    Well yeah, her posting on instagram and not getting back to you yet is not good. That's always been a big pet peeve of mine, when someone can be on SM and not respond. It sucks, but look at it this way. Better to find out she's a time waster fast rather than down the road when you like her more.
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    Registered User TJW2020's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Well yeah, her posting on instagram and not getting back to you yet is not good. That's always been a big pet peeve of mine, when someone can be on SM and not respond. It sucks, but look at it this way. Better to find out she's a time waster fast rather than down the road when you like her more.
    I guess. But I mean why kiss me (3 different times) on the date? Why act really interested? Why prolong the date with a walk instead of just parting right after drinks? I have to say, I feel led on. I don't f*cking get it.
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    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    I guess. But I mean why kiss me (3 different times) on the date? Why act really interested? Why prolong the date with a walk instead of just parting right after drinks? I have to say, I feel led on. I don't f*cking get it.
    Who knows? I don't kiss people I'm not interested in and attracted to, so can't answer. People are weird and can be crappy. I'd say if you don't hear back by tonight just move on.
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Who knows? I don't kiss people I'm not interested in and attracted to, so can't answer. People are weird and can be crappy. I'd say if you don't hear back by tonight just move on.
    That's what I'm saying. It just doesn't make any sense. And not even just one kiss "to be nice", but 3.

    If I hear nothing at all it'll be obvious she's not interested, but I'll probably still send her another text tomorrow saying:

    "Hey [name], what do you think about sushi at [place] in [area] Saturday night?"

    "Also, if you're just not interested you can be up front with me. No hard feelings."

    I know it's dumb, but I have nothing to lose so I'm just going to throw it out there.
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    Maybe she's just a slut and kisses all the guys she goes on dates with and ****s most of them except for you.
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    Registered User randomuser12345's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    That's what I'm saying. It just doesn't make any sense. And not even just one kiss "to be nice", but 3.

    If I hear nothing at all it'll be obvious she's not interested, but I'll probably still send her another text tomorrow saying:

    "Hey [name], what do you think about sushi at [place] in [area] Saturday night?"

    "Also, if you're just not interested you can be up front with me. No hard feelings."

    I know it's dumb, but I have nothing to lose so I'm just going to throw it out there.
    I learned that girls acting interested means jack sh*t. When she is spreading her legs while lying in your bed now she is interested. You will learn that too.
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  20. #20
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    My personal experience is that if she doesn't hit you up after the date, it's not a good sign.

    Originally Posted by Kev1972 View Post
    Maybe she's just a slut and kisses all the guys she goes on dates with and ****s most of them except for you.
    also this
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    She ended up texting me back after 5 hours saying "Hey, sorry it's been a really busy day. I had a nice time too. I'm free Thursday, does that work for you?" I just said all good and that Thursday works for me, then suggested a place and time. She said "I'm good for it" and I told her it's a date. Then she said "a date indeed" lol.

    So I guess I was over-worrying this time, but hopefully she doesn't cancel... Jesus I need to stop being so high strung.
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    I guess. But I mean why kiss me (3 different times) on the date? Why act really interested? Why prolong the date with a walk instead of just parting right after drinks? I have to say, I feel led on. I don't f*cking get it.
    Generally speaking, you'll get to a point (hopefully) where you stop wondering about stuff like this. Just put your best foot forward, truly don't give a fuk, and hope for the best IMO. If she wants you, she'll find a way to make it happen. No point in chasing a girl in 2020
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    in my experience, the girl always messages me afte the date saying something like i had a good time or u made me feel comfortable or some ****.
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    I wouldn’t be surprised if she canceled on you, don’t get your hopes high here broski. A girl who’s excited about you will text you back, especially at 32. Just don’t get too invested in this because she certainly isn’t.
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    She ended up texting me back after 5 hours saying "Hey, sorry it's been a really busy day. I had a nice time too. I'm free Thursday, does that work for you?" I just said all good and that Thursday works for me, then suggested a place and time. She said "I'm good for it" and I told her it's a date. Then she said "a date indeed" lol.

    So I guess I was over-worrying this time, but hopefully she doesn't cancel... Jesus I need to stop being so high strung.
    Keep us updated on what happens.

    My experience has been that if they didn't text you soon after the first date, they weren't interested.

    Would you wait all day to respond back to someone you were really into?
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    Originally Posted by redliner9 View Post
    Keep us updated on what happens.

    My experience has been that if they didn't text you soon after the first date, they weren't interested.

    Would you wait all day to respond back to someone you were really into?
    Unless they are on those stupid girl red pill female dating strategy sites. It's just as bad as the guys version when it comes to playing games with people.
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    Well I hit her up today saying she could meet me at my place tomorrow and I could drive us to the place.

    Her: I've actually been back and forth on this all day, I might have to reschedule. I have a lot going on tomorrow and I didn't realize it would make me unable to do any kind of artwork (which I also won't be able to do Friday or Saturday), and with how much I've been stressing about getting it all done I don't know if it's ideal to also add dinner in. My lack of sleep lately probably isn't helping with the anxiousness. Would I be able to let you know tomorrow afternoon how I'm feeling?

    Me: I understand. Not getting enough sleep, especially if you're stressed about other things, sucks to say the least. But yeah, you can let me know how you're feeling tomorrow afternoon and we can go from there."

    Her: I appreciate that! Thank you for understanding.

    Me: Of course! Hope you can get some sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow

    Her: I've been hoping it for almost a week now, fingers crossed tonight's the night

    Essentially tried to play it cool and act like I didn't care much that she might cancel.

    Not expecting any good news tomorrow though, but I guess it's a somewhat good sign that she didn't just outright flake and is willing to "see how she feels tomorrow". She is a legitimately very busy person, so I don't necessarily think she's BSing me and do believe what she's saying, especially considering that when I said we should go out again she immediately told me which days she was free without me even having to ask. But it is obvious that I'm not her priority (understandable). Hopefully even if she does cancel (which I'm sure she will), she reciprocates another day. We'll see.

    I'm talking to and have dates/hangouts set up with other women, but I have to admit I really liked this girl on our date. Very physically attracted to her and I thought we had chemistry as well. So this is a bit disappointing because I was looking forward to seeing her again.
    Last edited by TJW2020; 10-28-2020 at 04:50 PM.
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    Originally Posted by TJW2020 View Post
    Well I hit her up today saying she could meet me at my place tomorrow and I could drive us to the place.

    Her: I've actually been back and forth on this all day, I might have to reschedule. I have a lot going on tomorrow and I didn't realize it would make me unable to do any kind of artwork (which I also won't be able to do Friday or Saturday), and with how much I've been stressing about getting it all done I don't know if it's ideal to also add dinner in. My lack of sleep lately probably isn't helping with the anxiousness. Would I be able to let you know tomorrow afternoon how I'm feeling?

    Me: I understand. Not getting enough sleep, especially if you're stressed about other things, sucks to say the least. But yeah, you can let me know how you're feeling tomorrow afternoon and we can go from there."

    Her: I appreciate that! Thank you for understanding.

    Me: Of course! Hope you can get some sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow

    Her: I've been hoping it for almost a week now, fingers crossed tonight's the night

    Essentially tried to play it cool and act like I didn't care much that she might cancel.

    Not expecting any good news tomorrow though, but I guess it's a somewhat good sign that she didn't just outright flake and is willing to "see how she feels tomorrow". She is a legitimately very busy person, so I don't necessarily think she's BSing me and do believe what she's saying, especially considering that when I said we should go out again she immediately told me which days she was free without me even having to ask. But it is obvious that I'm not her priority (understandable). Hopefully even if she does cancel (which I'm sure she will), she reciprocates another day. We'll see.

    I'm talking to and have dates/hangouts set up with other women, but I have to admit I really liked this girl on our date. Very physically attracted to her and I thought we had chemistry as well. So this is a bit disappointing because I was looking forward to seeing her again.
    Read through the whole thread, you’ve got a lot to learn, but don’t we all haha. You’re placing way too much value on one girl one date. I’ve been there plenty of times, especially after a breakup where you’re anxious and really trying to fill that void. During that time a rejection from a girl you feel like you have “chemistry” with really punches you in the gut.

    I’m not going to go into breaking down everything I think you did wrong. I’d say give less of a fck with these girls, show them you’re interested and you care, but in your own mind just don’t place too much value in it unless you see it progressing over a span of weeks and months. If I’m being honest, it’s not going to go anywhere with this girl. I can already tell from her wording and actions. Her message exchange is setting things up for a “I’m too busy right now with everything” essentially the first message was her way of breaking things off. You can go on a great date and have a change of heart later. I do it all the time. I meet a girl, go on a date, the ensuing days after the date I pick out all her flaws and decide I don’t like her. It’s a terrible habit I’m trying to stop.
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    She's probably just waiting to see if giga Chad's going to call her or not. Sounds like you're a second or third option homie.
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    It might not matter in the end if she's genuine and wants to see you again but a better response would've been to tell her to take the day to get done what she needs to and to let you know when she's ready to reschedule.

    Ball firmly in her court thus if she wants to see you she will.
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