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  1. #1
    Registered User Basiliskboy's Avatar
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    Anybody else just go full NC on their family?

    I just cant get over the fact that my family including my mother and father completely threw me to the side as a kid and failed to teach me important life lessons.

    Mainly during highschool my parents were not apart of my life even though we lived together they had little to do with me. Didn’t have any interest in my future or what i planned to do. Didn’t even act concerned.
    Regardless of that I was very success driven at this age, yet it was almost like they were trying to sabotage my efforts.

    I remember being part of a film group at my school and our film teacher said i was one of this best camera men. He had asked me if i could film a civil war enactment over the weekend if i could make it out. I tell my parents and they say straight up no... Not even an excuse just said they didnt feel like taking me.... Literally sat around that whole weekend so it wasnt like they were busy.. That day changed my view of them forever. They became the enemy.


    To this day I look back astonished of how little they cared for my future or my life. I see other kids getting ready for graduation in my family and theyre encouraged and helped with anything they try and pursue. I honestly feel cheated.. I wish i could just go full no contact on my family and never have to think about them again but I’m stuck in my hometown with a few that I’m still helping out financially.


    Wanna know the best route of going about this. I know if i just pick up and leave they’ll finally act worried about someone. I would rather just do that but i dont want to risk them putting out a missing persons alert
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  2. #2
    hehe ty men Winky69's Avatar
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    Whens the last time you talked to them? Sounds sad man. If its been a while, maybe check in unannounced and attempt to have a heart to heart with them. Tell them how you feel. if they are still indifferent, cut them off completely.
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  3. #3
    Registered User Basiliskboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Winky69 View Post
    Whens the last time you talked to them? Sounds sad man. If its been a while, maybe check in unannounced and attempt to have a heart to heart with them. Tell them how you feel. if they are still indifferent, cut them off completely.
    Not really sad about it. Just resentful.

    I still live with one of the family members and my sister. My sister being the only real family member I have and that I genuinely care for.

    I’ve tried like straight up telling them both in arguments and just talking so its not a problem of them not understanding how i feel they just dont care. They deflect the focus off of them, try and alter the past as if they don’t remember what happened, etc.


    Its not even a question of trying to repair a relationship I’m just trying to figure out how to go across the country without them asking any questions.
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  4. #4
    NOT a virgin x420SwagScopex's Avatar
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    I don’t think they can file a missing persons alert on an adult. You’re allowed to move across the country without your parents permission. And would it be such a huge deal if they know where you are? It doesn’t sound like they care enough to follow you
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  5. #5
    Registered User Basiliskboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by x420SwagScopex View Post
    I don’t think they can file a missing persons alert on an adult. You’re allowed to move across the country without your parents permission. And would it be such a huge deal if they know where you are? It doesn’t sound like they care enough to follow you
    Actually didnt know that. I’m almost sure ive seen missing persons reports on the news for 20 somethings.

    Not worried about them following me but i dont feel like answering the calls or responding to the texts from them. Especially after them never calling the 20+ years i was in the same town as them. I’d rather them not know where I go specifically. Like state specifically.
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  6. #6
    ScubaBro ReadyToLift2019's Avatar
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    I did.

    Didn’t talk to the old man for about 15 years, gave him another chance and then NC again for another seven. He walks on eggshells around me now which just makes things awkward/doesn’t really matter because I still almost never talk to him.

    Went NC On the rest of them (beside my mother) now for approximately 30 years. I have no feels about it whatsoever.

    My MIL went NC on her whole family over 40 years ago and seems totally cool with it but sometimes I have my doubts. They were good people in her situation, she made the mistake. My situation was the opposite though. GL.
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  7. #7
    Registered User Basiliskboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ReadyToLift2019 View Post
    I did.

    Didn’t talk to the old man for about 15 years, gave him another chance and then NC again for another seven. He walks on eggshells around me now which just makes things awkward/doesn’t really matter because I still almost never talk to him.

    Went NC On the rest of them (beside my mother) now for approximately 30 years. I have no feels about it whatsoever.

    My MIL went NC on her whole family over 40 years ago and seems totally cool with it but sometimes I have my doubts. They were good people in her situation, she made the mistake. My situation was the opposite though. GL.
    Das it mane
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  8. #8
    Registered User Johnez's Avatar
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    Hey basiliskboy, I had similar situation growing up. My parents were never straight up abusive, however their attitude was very indifferent. They were mostly consumed with their boozing and television, gave no chits about how I was a total failure. In my early 20s when I was interested in starting a business, I had gathered up the tools I needed, and decided to talk to them about using the garage. First reply was literally a groan and a grumble, followed by "I don't know what we're gonna do, don't know how that's going to work." Knew I had to get the fuk out. I have a son now and my attitude if he were to want to start a business would be "fuk yeah man, lets make a plan!"

    Anyway, I didn't go NC with them, still visit every now and then. We have very few connections so hard to just up and disappear. Honestly, probably a good idea to clear your mind and reset for some healthy relationships. Good luck with whatever you do.
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  9. #9
    Registered User alltrapbrah's Avatar
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    Whatever you do, don’t burn bridges; In the long run you’ll probably regret it.

    Just find a way to keep them at a distance and get on with your life.
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  10. #10
    Registered User alain's Avatar
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    Did they put a roof over your head and feed you, did they take you on vacation, buy you clothes? If yes then they did the basics. Did they beat you? if no then they did slightly better than the basics
    No need to go to the extreme measures of No contact.

    One could say they stayed out of your way to get success
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  11. #11
    Registered User Basiliskboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by alain View Post
    Did they put a roof over your head and feed you, did they take you on vacation, buy you clothes? If yes then they did the basics. Did they beat you? if no then they did slightly better than the basics
    No need to go to the extreme measures of No contact.

    One could say they stayed out of your way to get success
    Sure
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  12. #12
    Registered User SicilianPower's Avatar
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    Not my parents but my Dads parents and his siblings do to a big fight at one of my cousins birthday parties. It was partly political and partly personality differences.
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    Whatever you do, don’t burn bridges; In the long run you’ll probably regret it.

    Just find a way to keep them at a distance and get on with your life.
    Probably this
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  14. #14
    Registered User knightofday's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by alltrapbrah View Post
    Whatever you do, don’t burn bridges; In the long run you’ll probably regret it.

    Just find a way to keep them at a distance and get on with your life.
    best advice itt imo
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  15. #15
    Pedicabo ego vos et irrum A-GAME's Avatar
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    No need to go NC, just put some distance between them and you until you feel comfortable. Just do your own thing bro.
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    I got nothing..... Iluvmud's Avatar
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    I have, dont regret it one bit.
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  17. #17
    In Hoc Signo Vinces Mmjk1500's Avatar
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    Where you headed OP? Got a plan yet?
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    Going beyond my limits manletstrength's Avatar
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    I've gone NC on my brother. Hes a drug addict and treats people like chit. Currently saving up for an apartment so I can get away from him and go on with my life and never have to see him again. Hes a waste of life and he is toxic for me. I'm done trying to be cool with him and I'm done trying to be a brother to him despite him abusing me on a weekly basis for 3 years when I was growing up. The only person I have is my mother and we stick together like glue. My brother is a straight up ****ing disappointment to me and my mother and a loser. Time to move on.
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  19. #19
    Registered User Basiliskboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mmjk1500 View Post
    Where you headed OP? Got a plan yet?
    Ive thought of going back to oregon. It was beautiful up there. Thought of New York in the burbs but close enough to go to NYC on the weekends. Honestly i might just travel around a bit from job to job fck it
    Manifest your destiny you limp dick mouth breather
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  20. #20
    In Hoc Signo Vinces Mmjk1500's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Basiliskboy View Post
    Ive thought of going back to oregon. It was beautiful up there. Thought of New York in the burbs but close enough to go to NYC on the weekends. Honestly i might just travel around a bit from job to job fck it
    Thought about school or the military? The army does two year terms if you don’t want the full four year commitment
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    Curls for the girls GravityLee's Avatar
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    I read your post at least 3x clicked the thread a dozen times

    You move out, keep contacts and use them as fuel to succeed. DO NOT go no contact on them.

    They are humans. Their eyes are not open. Dont hold them
    To your standard.
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  22. #22
    It's over for you aleeboy's Avatar
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    A lot of parents were raised by parents who did not know what love nor care was. Their kids, i.e. your parents, continue that tradition.

    The only difference between them and you is your parents will live longer, statistically speaking, than their parents did, so you may be burdened into looking after your negligent parents well into middle age.

    It really is amazing how some parents think shelter and food are enough. Humans aren't the same as simple living organisms (like a parasite), but most live this way. I know of a parent who looked after her child's dental issues and the child looks great now. I know adults whose parents never even took them to the dentist and they look focked up now as adults.

    I would say your parents have struggled to raise you and aren't really made out to be loving parents. This is more common than you think. You will either not have kids or end up over doting your one child to the extent they hate you. It is hard to find balance.
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  23. #23
    It's over for you aleeboy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Johnez View Post
    Hey basiliskboy, I had similar situation growing up. My parents were never straight up abusive, however their attitude was very indifferent. They were mostly consumed with their boozing and television, gave no chits about how I was a total failure. In my early 20s when I was interested in starting a business, I had gathered up the tools I needed, and decided to talk to them about using the garage. First reply was literally a groan and a grumble, followed by "I don't know what we're gonna do, don't know how that's going to work." Knew I had to get the fuk out. I have a son now and my attitude if he were to want to start a business would be "fuk yeah man, lets make a plan!"

    Anyway, I didn't go NC with them, still visit every now and then. We have very few connections so hard to just up and disappear. Honestly, probably a good idea to clear your mind and reset for some healthy relationships. Good luck with whatever you do.
    Hmmmm... I get why you are such a beta now. Have some reps man. Riveting tale. srs
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    Originally Posted by aleeboy View Post
    Hmmmm... I get why you are such a beta now. Have some reps man. Riveting tale. srs
    Eh, working on it. Don't get the beta, but whatever.
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    Originally Posted by A-GAME View Post
    No need to go NC, just put some distance between them and you until you feel comfortable. Just do your own thing bro.
    This is what I do with my family.

    I talk w my father prolly once a month cuz he's smart af and I can ask him things, no reason to talk with my mom though.

    Honestly evaluate if there's anything they can do for you and keep that in mind.
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    Atleast you aren’t pressured into faking it w them. Mad respect.
    I haven’t talked to my dads whole side of the family for years. Grandma, grandpa,, none of them.

    Blood or not idgaf. You have good intentions for me and you’re golden in my heart. But I really don’t have any tolerance for bs
    Based god can fuk my btch
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    Yep. only people I consider family are just my mom and my sister (srs)
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    Originally Posted by Iluvmud View Post
    I have, dont regret it one bit.
    Same here, full NC
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    Treat them like girls treat guys that they aren't interested in. Respond. One Word Messages. Move on with your life and pursue happiness you owe it to yourself. Being with them seems toxic and you will end up resentful. Went NC for 5 years on my dad but he was an azzhole. When i was in the hospital he visited me. We still don't talk or be around in the same room for long but i don't hate him and we have light conversations during family events and thats about it and its not awkward. I just keep to myself, he keeps to himself.

    Other wise your not really important to them in the grand scheme of things. People have lives too. I don't talk to any of my cousins anymore and its not like i went NC i just have other things to do they are married with kids, they know my number if they need to reach me i'm not on social media. And if i want to talk to them i need to find there number it goes both ways.

    You don't have to go fully NC (unless you despise them) just keep in touch periodically like a text a couple of months of something. But if my dad didn't come see me i wouldn't of never talked to him again. i wouldn't have regretted it.
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    yup. im gonna go against the grain here and suggest moving somewhere far and desirable of your choosing unless youre happy where you are.

    start over if you really feel the need and get away. if youre a US brah there are many nice cities in the west and I would never personally live on the east coast again.

    if youre happy where youre at and don't want to move still tell them youre moving but don't tell them where.

    I talked about moving to several different states to my family for this very purpose. no one knows if im in CO, CA, WA, OR, FL,TX, or MT.

    the only person who knows where im at is my buddy who taught me a few things about working on cars and would help me with my truck from time to time.

    he sees my mom sometimes but hasn't told her where I live. id rather he not at all but then he guilts me into trying to talk to her and I pretend I don't have her number. he's been able to take the hint.

    my female cousin asks about me all the time too but she was one of the ones who would kick me down the most and was one of the fakest people I knew. **** that bitch.

    id rather he not talk to my mom at all so she doesnt know whether im alive or dead but he's a good dude and I won't burn that bridge. I had a really toxic family full of worthless **** heads though, way too much to go into, so I like rubbing the salt in the wound so to speak.

    my suggestion might be overboard if they just act uninterested.
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