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  1. #1
    Registered User Bolognie1's Avatar
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    Question Help finding the g-spot, how much to train, how heavy and goals to set

    I have major depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety and ADHD. I find it really hard to exercise adequately and often run into walls.

    I am 6"2, 20m and weigh in at 117kg (earlier this year was around 105-110kg), probably around 25-30% body fat. Last year I started really aggressive: I would train cardio 4-6 mornings a week for 30min+ and go to the gym every day for 2-3 hours. I have always been a fat kid, and would get obliterated at any group-training at school, so I've always felt unsatisfactory and weak, that any instinct I have to slow down is just weakness. Because of this, it is very easy for me to overtrain, and I can't seem to listen to my body at all. Anything less than 100% effort for 4+ hours a day feels weak. On top of this, I had CFS in year 12 which significantly dampened my academic results (which are of utmost importance to me as that was more-or-less my only strength), which was never fully diagnosed (thus I cannot say it wasn't just all in my head). This has always been a complete mind**** for me.

    To no surprise, this can lead to some real significant problems when I am not in peak physical condition. This year, as I said, I was training fkn hard with a push/ pull/ legs split with some transverse exercises mixed in on a day I was too exhausted to do either of those three. On top of this I would be doing cardio every morning. This was going well until around April-June when I started getting significant fatigue problems: I would get light-headed, dizzy, start seeing double and get nauseous any time I tried to exert myself and ultimately just had to stop doing anything as even the most light exercises would just seem to do more harm than good. I had to discontinue yet another semester at uni, thus making absolutely no progress, and the reality of the limbo I'm in would just seem to get increasingly lucid. During this time, I would spend no time socializing, I would work myself like a dog, and going to uni was just a fleeting possibility getting harder and harder with each day. I would constantly find myself in flight/ fight responses and thus could not even think, let alone function academically, so the whole world seemed to be closing in on me again.

    Anyway, I stopped for a couple of months, and it was just getting so frustrating how weak I was becoming. At some point around August, I think I started doing elliptical/ treadmill work daily, and gradually worked up until I was able to attempt some weights again. Eventually, I managed to work up to what I'd deem as my previous fitness level, and along with some more grit, higher-protein and nutrient intake, and a desire to lift more and push till I was red-faced (low, low rep sets), I was able to surpass my previous strength goals, lifting 160kg deadlifts for reps, 130kg squats for 4x6 or 120kg for 5x8 at ease, 95kg 5x5 bench, and ultimately managed to drop 5-10kg to just under 100kg. These were all un-imaginable gains for me previously, but unfortunately I was "tricking" myself into exerting myself. I would kind of channel my discontents to the gym, using it as a coping-mechanism, and gradually the external stress I wasn't dealing with caught up with me. I started getting similar fatigue, I wasn't able to sleep, I would get extremelly violent spurts of anger - throwing weights around and the like to the disapproval of the other gymgoers. By just trying to brute-force my way through, I induced tendinitis in my supraspinatus rotator-cuffs, long-headed biceps in my left arm, and something in the serratus anterior area on my right side, as well as getting trapped nerves in my left shoulder, and over-all tightness. I eventually caved, unable to face my losses, without the energy to stay disciplined to do light-weight training without the endorphines from pushing myself. I would get light-headed and out of breath again, and just gave up.

    It would not take much at all to exhaust me, and I was having extremely bad gut problems which made me feel like I needed to **** constantly without being able to do so. Constipation sounds funny, but along with the extreme depression, mood-swings and thoughts everyone is judging you, hearing voices in the shower, and no other source of pleasure besides the work-out endorphines, the hindrance of having most of your blood redirected to your intestines is extremelly hard to push through.

    3 months later, I started doing elliptical/ treadmill work again, building up my capacity similar to last time. I went to a physio about my still strong problems in my shoulders and they diagnosed the tendinitis and gave me some exercises to do. They told me to do some thoracic stretches for my trapped nerve (the muscle that connects your neck to collar-bone or 1st ribs were really tight for me), and so I just got on with them. During this time, I went cold-turkey on effexor (which only people who have done this can fully understand how ****ed it is) and started on nortriptyline, a Tri-Cyclic Anti-depressant medication that has some quite significant cardiovascular toxicity potential. It is also shown to block the SCN5A sodium channel, and has the possibility of lengthening the repolarization period of the heart beat (essentially increasing the amount of time it takes for the heart to trigger the next pump) and can lead to arrhythmia. Since then, I have been unable to get my heart-rate above 170bpm without spazzing out, find it really hard to breathe when I have a heart-rate above 160-165 BPM, and in general seem to have a lot of trouble really pressing weight (i.e. I can't get red-faced because the lift is taking that much out of me). I also get really light-headed, dizzy, get head-rushes when I stand-up/ bend over, and in general just feel like a pensioner at the gym. It really sucks, this is not like the last time, it just feels like I've completely given up now.

    Something just doesn't feel right with the weights, I don't care much anymore, the squats feel less of a press, and more of a hip crunch (it doesn't feel as natural anymore, I'm focusing more on my hips than the movement itself), and I seem to be plateauing already at a much lower threshold than last time, weighting a full 10kg+ heavier (117kg), and struggling to squat more than 100kg, bench more than 80kg and deadlift more than 130. I don't know, I just don't feel it anymore, I either destroy myself or don't even push myself. I feel defeated, progress seems insurmountable, before where I was able to channel my negative thoughts into motivation to get stronger now it just feels silly, like I know that believing this is just unhelpful and not going to work. I still get trapped nerve problems, I get tendonal pain after minimal incline presses, I get knee pain on the squat. I can only visualize a weak heart beating lethargically in my chest, and just can't seem to vizualise the pump anymore.

    I am not sure what to do, I am not sure how to make sure I am not going too hard nor too soft on myself. I am not sure when I feel tired, I can't sleep properly, and I just can't seem to do it anymore. I feel really stuck and I'm just not sure what I should focus on because everything just feels to meet a plateau at the moment.

    I'm off to see if I can bench 90kg for 5, and again just try for 5 sets, do some incline press and cable-crossovers until my long-head acts up and then try and go on the treadmill without hyper-ventillating.

    I just want to get stronger, increase my energy levels and work on my cardio. Hopefully I'll be able to push myself up to 180-190 bpm without feeling like I'm going to die, drop 10kg again, get more flexible and start some MMA in a couple of months. It's just really hard to try and maintain disciplined and motivated enough to keep making progress without redlining my stress-levels and crushing myself mentally. I really don't want to fail this semester, I don't want to be a recluse again, and I want to actually be able to become physically fit for once in my life. I know these things are possible, but I just can't see the path at the moment.

    I'm hoping maybe someone who reads this can offer some advice? How to approach the gym, how aggressive to get with it, how hard to push, what warning signs to look out for, how to keep pushing through plateaus etc. I think the biggest thing I'm having trouble with right at this moment is an inability to sleep consistently with adequate quantity and quality. I don't know how to progress when I just haven't got the sleep.
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  2. #2
    Registered User TonedJordan's Avatar
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    Try make some clear and concise questions without such a big wall of text and I imagine you will get some replies.

    Most of the time, regardless of the background, the same questions have the same answers.
    "Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer."
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  3. #3
    Registered User Xpiro's Avatar
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    Have you mentioned the sleep thing to your psychiatrist?
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    Registered User DCSpartan's Avatar
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    Step 1. Get proper sleep
    Step 2. everything else.
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