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  1. #1
    Registered User Johndeus's Avatar
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    Exclamation Help me stay on track

    I need some advice and help to keep growing.

    My story is a little bit hard.

    I was severely bullied for most of my life. And I have very low confidence usually. I don't have much friends and I don't think the old ones I have from childhood will help me in keeping growing because they are mostly incels. And I don't even live at the same place anymore.

    I believe I am a smart person, that is determined to do the hard work needed to advance in life. I took a STEM degree and a BA masters and passed both in the right time. And took a technical role on a sector I barely know and saved the company's ass for multiple big clients by taking projects that were about to sink and refloating them.

    In terms of love and friendships is were I have had the biggest difficulties always.

    I believe I have to improve social skills due to not having had much chances to practice while I was bullied. It was more about fighting or escaping than building trust. And don't have much hobbies because I tended to isolate to protect myself and just focused on studies. I have depression, insomnia and anxiety due to that and I am going to therapy, but I feel I want to act... Talking is just not enough to me, I don't like thinking like a victim; I want my life back. Any Ideas to work on social skills?

    In terms of attraction, I tend to lack game and I believe this has to do with me feeling undeserving of love due to not feeling attractive or interesting enough. And don't know much what to do about it.

    I do believe I got the short stick in terms of looks if I look at my 3 brothers. I have an ectomorph body, I am really tall and really thin. I have pectus excavatum with HI of 6 with flared ribs. My nose is slightly bent due to receiving punches there frequently as a boy.
    And I have a deep bite that makes me look like having a teenager face even if I am 30.

    Yeah, it sucks. And when women tell me I look like a boy or that I should eat more when rejecting me it sucks more.

    I used to do a lot of cardio to improve the lungs... my mistake this didn't make me gain even a milimiter of muscle. So I switched to weight lifting. I don't work the chest area because I was advised to not do it since it has hipertrophia due to pectus. I seem to be always not gaining visible muscle mass, but becoming stronger. And even if I eat large dishes (low carbs, low fat) that people seem amazed at, I always weight the same, very low. I was thinking about going to a nutritionist to check what I am doing wrong.

    Any ideas of workouts or nutrition? I don't want to take protein shakes or supplements I prefer to eat food. And I don't want to look like a bodybuilder but at least more muscular than a stick and improve posture. I think I would feel more attractive and confident.

    I was thinking about buying the vacuum bell. Has anyone got any experience with that to correct pectus?

    At the same time, I am going to correct my deep bite because I am done with that thing. Braces... Sucks but I prefer a year looking ugly than my whole life having that thing. Has anyone had a good experience correcting a deep bite?

    Also. Any ideas on how to dress sharp? I have been trying but with my old clothes I look more like a nerd than someone hot. But don't know where to start. Is there any type of professional that could help with this?

    The hardest part for me is being patient with all the work I have. Sometimes I feel low when I look at what is still left and not knowing how to advance better. So any advice on that as well is welcomed.
    Last edited by Johndeus; 01-21-2020 at 03:06 AM.
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  2. #2
    Emotional inTelligence etet1919's Avatar
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    Hi Johndeus! It took a lot of courage just to ask for advice on a forum like this. That's a good trait to have! I'm so sorry to hear that you were picked on a lot. Those bullies weren't exactly upstanding people, were they? So, you have to remember their very bad behavior always says more about them than it does about you. That's a great sign you don't see yourself as a "victim." It sounds like your taking the right steps and going to counseling. Have you asked your counselor about group therapy (regarding developing social skills/meeting people)? I'm just wondering if this could help feel better, or if it would be right for you?

    I feel good too when I get my cardiovascular and weight training in! You don't need to look like a bodybuilder; that can be a hobby or lifestyle for many, but it's definitely not mandatory for building a good body!! Just keeping a regular schedule will help you continually improve upon your mood, confidence, concentration skills, athletic skills, building muscle, etc..... So, yes, continue working on these skills you have! What do you do for cardio (walk, jog, swim...)? And you're right, eating whole foods are much more beneficial than just buying protein shakes loaded with refined sugar.

    I agree with you here to, that continually practicing patience is, seemingly, one of the hardest things to do nowadays! Not everyone is good at that! In fact, I bet most people could use at least a little more practice in this area. Everything is so incredibly fast-paced!

    You mentioned insomnia... Is your counselor aware you may have difficulties (?) with sleep? For how long have you dealt with this?
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  3. #3
    Registered User Jaketon's Avatar
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    Note that most of the people of great success in this life have passed an era where they have somehow been harassed, for giving you some examples you have Lou Ferrigno or Frank Zane both suffered harassment when they were little. Learn from them.
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