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  1. #1
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Attention Whore Ex GF

    So I need the misc to shed some light on my situation:

    Was with a girl for 19 months, everything started all good but she fell in love with me straight away, quickly told me that she got raped when she was single by one of her guy friends at the time and that she couldnt tell the police, or her dad because he was a policeman. Her mum didnt want her dad to know either as she thought he would end the marriage. Took her to loads of therapy, did my best captain save a hoe but she never listened to any advice my family or myself told her. Her mum didnt want her to have therapy as she was afraid all the issues would rise to the surface. She had so much baggage, felt like a therapist half the time, she once hit me for telling her that if she cant trust her own dad she cant trust anyone. Always bitching about little problems, always playing the victim and said I was talking down on her, always had an issue with me when I didnt have an issue with her. She used to cry and sulk, didnt take no for an answer, made me delete loads of girls I've been close to since childhood off facebook. Would text my sister always asking if I was okay if I got mad or was busy, text my sister when I was on nights out with the boys being dead controlling and wondering what I was up to. Also told my own sister about our sex life and what porn I watched, so f**kd! Basically I distanced myself for 3 weeks because I was done with the bull****, told her I was focusing on me and my family and my life, because I was drained from putting her first and all her emotional baggage got me questioning my sanity. I stopped facetiming her and seeing her, got sick of the ****. She then showed her true colours and dumped me on the basis of us no longer being compatible and me 'never wanting to see her' and 'always being miserable around her'. I told her that she couldnt trust herself and she said 'what do you mean' ****ing madness. She basically got dead insecure when I stopped seeing her, always seeking my validation, crying her eyes out, she thought I was talking to other women. 2 days post breakup she messaged my sister saying 'she tried every other route but nothing changed and this was her final option', followed by her saying she will always feel apart of my family and miss us dearly. Straight manipulation.

    So, need your thoughts brahs, I feel hard done by cause as soon as I started focusing on myself and what is best for me she showed all this self centred behaviour and dumped me because I was responsible for her happiness.

    Has she done me a favour?

    What do you make of it all?

    It's been nearly a Month of NC now and I dont intend on reaching out.

    Pros: hot, good sex, cooked and cleaned for me and spent more money on me than I did on her.

    Cliffs: Emotional baggage, trauma from past, selfish, manipulative, couldnt trust her dad, controlling, made me feel needed and not desired, I ain't a therapist.

    Cheers brahs
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  2. #2
    Registered User Nacured's Avatar
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    Broski...that is one too many words to read
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  3. #3
    Never accept defeat! backinthegymbro's Avatar
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    Go nc? Who cares what an ex does. She's no longer in your life. Good riddance.
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  4. #4
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nacured View Post
    Broski...that is one too many words to read
    Sorry bro
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  5. #5
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by backinthegymbro View Post
    Go nc? Who cares what an ex does. She's no longer in your life. Good riddance.
    Yeah, it's got me all emotionally ****ed up, proper abusive. Shes calling me an ******* and telling people she wishes she wasnt vulnerable with me.
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  6. #6
    Registered User MiscInformed's Avatar
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    She's a Cluster B case.

    You dodged a bullet.
    "Thus, a good man, though a slave, is free; but a wicked man, though a king, is a slave. For he serves, not one man alone, but what is worse, as many masters as he has vices." - St. Augustine of Hippo

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  7. #7
    Banned MajorTendonitis's Avatar
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    I don’t think there’s a single sloot that hasn’t claimed she’s been raped . Red flag right there OP
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  8. #8
    Here's beer Mr Beer's Avatar
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    So...she’s legit mental and you are no longer together. What’s the question again?
    I will read and review 100 books this year: https://igoodies.000webhostapp.com/?viagra=showthread.php?t=176675491

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  9. #9
    Registered User ChangeOfStyle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    So...she’s legit mental and you are no longer together. What’s the question again?
    this

    she can be hot as fuark as much as she wants but she has so many fukn flags beyond anything red. Good riddance.
    Mental health really is the most important aspect in your everyday life, don't ever neglect it and if you're feeling down, reach out to someone and ask for it. If you need help, don't hesitate to reach out. Let's have a chat.
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  10. #10
    Registered User Soulforge2015's Avatar
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    Lesson here is...

    Never play Captain Save A Hoe!

    Dude these chicks are DAMAGED/ BROKEN

    You do not have the skill set to fix these cluster b types.

    You will destroy yourself in the process.. It's the hot sex, that keeps you hooked in to these toxic situations.

    Keep walking... Or pay a heavy price later!
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  11. #11
    Registered User Pozy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Soulforge2015 View Post
    Lesson here is...

    Never play Captain Save A Hoe!

    Dude these chicks are DAMAGED/ BROKEN

    You do not have the skill set to fix these cluster b types.

    You will destroy yourself in the process.. It's the hot sex, that keeps you hooked in to these toxic situations.

    Keep walking... Or pay a heavy price later!
    Where the phuck were you when I needed you
    Very truly yours
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  12. #12
    Registered User TallSaint's Avatar
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    OP, at the the end of the day: Her past trauma wasn't always her fault, but in present-day, she is 100% responsible for dealing with it.

    Sounds like she is trying to deal with it through manipulative and controlling methods.

    My ex-gf was the same: Beautiful, incredibly smart with a great career, active lifestyle, didn't use social media and didn't drink/smoke or party.

    But she had so much trauma in her past that she was always extremely insecure, controlling, manipulative and would frequently use gas lighting to make me feel terrible. Basically anytime I wasn't a therapist to her, she would feel like I was invalidating her.

    It was so exhaustive that after 8 months together, I had to walk.

    It's not your job or responsibility to fix her. Only she can do that. Only she can choose not be view herself as the victim all the time and move forward without letting her past trauma destroy her relationships in the present.

    Goodluck OP.
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by Ginj View Post
    Yeah, it's got me all emotionally ****ed up, proper abusive. Shes calling me an ******* and telling people she wishes she wasnt vulnerable with me.
    You were with a manipulative psycho chick it happens OK? And no matter how old you get it'll still happen every now and then because they know how to be hot and charming when they need to be. She'll be the cutest, funniest girl you ever met and then six months later you are running for the hills.

    In my experience it takes about 6months to a year of doing normal things to start getting over a relationship with someone like that but it'll pass.
    Finally green! Green green greeeeeeeeen!
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  14. #14
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnybig2 View Post
    You were with a manipulative psycho chick it happens OK? And no matter how old you get it'll still happen every now and then because they know how to be hot and charming when they need to be. She'll be the cutest, funniest girl you ever met and then six months later you are running for the hills.

    In my experience it takes about 6months to a year of doing normal things to start getting over a relationship with someone like that but it'll pass.
    Why does it take extra long for these kind of relationships?
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  15. #15
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ginj View Post

    Cliffs: Emotional baggage, trauma from past, selfish, manipulative, couldnt trust her dad, controlling, made me feel needed and not desired, I ain't a therapist.
    In the long run, the pro's are irrelevant when those red flags are present.
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  16. #16
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Appreciate all the replies guys, yeah thinking about it I simply cant ignore all those red flags, f*ck that, deffo dodged a bullet. Its gonna take some time to recover, I know shes already talking to some guy so I guess the poor bast**d is gonna have to deal with her sh*t. It's been over a month now, 7 weeks since I've seen her. But like you guys said, their are just far too many red flags.

    Nice to know people I dont know support me.

    Appreciated brahs
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  17. #17
    Platinum OG user Evolutionary1's Avatar
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    People don't realize that women can be just as or more abusive than men in 2019. Just in different ways
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  18. #18
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Evolutionary1 View Post
    People don't realize that women can be just as or more abusive than men in 2019. Just in different ways
    Funny thing is she had the audacity to call me toxic for getting pis*ed with her when she didnt listen. Said I was an a*s for distancing myself and not seeing her. Feel kinda bad for doing that, but oh well. Abuse ain't funny at all, it's completely f*cked me up
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  19. #19
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TallSaint View Post
    OP, at the the end of the day: Her past trauma wasn't always her fault, but in present-day, she is 100% responsible for dealing with it.

    Sounds like she is trying to deal with it through manipulative and controlling methods.

    My ex-gf was the same: Beautiful, incredibly smart with a great career, active lifestyle, didn't use social media and didn't drink/smoke or party.

    But she had so much trauma in her past that she was always extremely insecure, controlling, manipulative and would frequently use gas lighting to make me feel terrible. Basically anytime I wasn't a therapist to her, she would feel like I was invalidating her.

    It was so exhaustive that after 8 months together, I had to walk.

    It's not your job or responsibility to fix her. Only she can do that. Only she can choose not be view herself as the victim all the time and move forward without letting her past trauma destroy her relationships in the present.

    Goodluck OP.
    It's nice to know a fellow brah can relate to my situation. Yeah I felt drained, lacked motivation, gained about 50lbs of weight, sat on my ass all day. All because all my energy went into fixing her issues. The sex was great, but not fu*kin worth the headaches.

    Appreciate it man
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  20. #20
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    Ive shared my story a handful of times on this message board about my ex. I thought my ex was just a rare case, but after being on this forum for the past 6 months I’m realizing how prevalent these BPD girls are.. All I can say OP is that it’s NOT going to be an overnight fix... You’re going to remember all of this positives about her. You’ll also have urges to break the NC way past this first month.. I always found ways to validate it in my head that contacting her was the right thing to do, but it never was. You can’t save her OP. Let her go and respect yourself. She’ll come crawling back, when she does keep the NC. Lose all hope that it will work out in the future bro. Best of luck to you.
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  21. #21
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LightsXout28c View Post
    Ive shared my story a handful of times on this message board about my ex. I thought my ex was just a rare case, but after being on this forum for the past 6 months I’m realizing how prevalent these BPD girls are.. All I can say OP is that it’s NOT going to be an overnight fix... You’re going to remember all of this positives about her. You’ll also have urges to break the NC way past this first month.. I always found ways to validate it in my head that contacting her was the right thing to do, but it never was. You can’t save her OP. Let her go and respect yourself. She’ll come crawling back, when she does keep the NC. Lose all hope that it will work out in the future bro. Best of luck to you.
    That's what I was thinking, so many of the same stories, and mine aswell.
    The girl is constantly trying to emotionally force herself on you, where you think you are the bad guy.

    You cant talk to other women, not even co workers, your female friends have to go, your friends are not good enough, you're not showing enough love in the relationship(while you do alot for her)

    And after the relationship you actually believe (like I am now) that she was a catch, you need her, you miss her, she was great...

    What a mind**** this is
    Last edited by Carljung; 12-20-2019 at 04:33 AM.
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  22. #22
    Registered User Ginj's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    That's what I was thinking, so many of the same stories, and mine aswell.
    The girl is constantly trying to emotionally force herself on you, where you think you are the bad guy.

    You cant talk to other women, not even co workers, your female friends have to go, your friends are not good enough, you're not showing enough love in the relationship(while you do alot for her)

    And after the relationship you actually believe (like I am now) that she was a catch, you need her, you miss her, she was great...

    What a mind**** this is
    Yeah it's very difficult, I get the urges to reach out that's for sure. I helped her alot, got her set up with a new flat, let her stay at mine for 8 weeks whilst she was doing so, helped her with therapy and alot of her problems, yet it wasnt good enough.

    She never understood why I was so drained around her and started playing the victim telling me she felt like a burden. I feel like the one to blame for not going to see her for 3 weeks, but I physically couldnt as I was so f*cked up. It's really rough, not a nice patch to be in at all that is for sure.

    I cant stop thinking she was a catch, even though she had ****in multi colour flags.

    It sucks
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    Originally Posted by LightsXout28c View Post
    Ive shared my story a handful of times on this message board about my ex. I thought my ex was just a rare case, but after being on this forum for the past 6 months I’m realizing how prevalent these BPD girls are.. All I can say OP is that it’s NOT going to be an overnight fix... You’re going to remember all of this positives about her. You’ll also have urges to break the NC way past this first month.. I always found ways to validate it in my head that contacting her was the right thing to do, but it never was. You can’t save her OP. Let her go and respect yourself. She’ll come crawling back, when she does keep the NC. Lose all hope that it will work out in the future bro. Best of luck to you.
    Appreciate it man, currently going through that, remembering all the positives about her etc and trying not to cave. It sucks, really keep blaming myself for not going to see her for 3 weeks, but I physically couldnt, I started to get unwell. It's really sh*t man, proper sucks and I feel my mind Is locked
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    Thought I would attach a list of **** she pulled:
    Rude to my mum
    Talked **** about my sister
    When times were tough at home she would try isolate me
    Her dad told me I didnt look like a personal trainer
    Always sulked, cried, played the victim
    Once hit me
    Made big scenes out of small life problems like work or parcel deliveries being messed up
    Would make problems last days
    I felt I had to ask her if she was okay to keep the peace
    Couldnt take any advice
    Blamed me for her loneliness and unhappiness
    Her and her dad tried to make me change job
    Sucked my energy and drained me down
    Tried to stop me having holiday time with my family
    Jealous of my relationship with my mum
    Tried to control me on nights out
    Told my sister about my sex life
    Blamed me for the breakup, didnt assess her part
    Posted on social media subliminal messages to try make me pity her or get my attention
    Post break up messaging my sister saying she tried every other option and nothing changed
    Post break up posting online that she wishes she wasnt vulnerable with me
    Insecure
    Accused me of talking to other girls
    Fed off my guilt



    Someone tell me why I'm missing her? Or am I missing the abuse?
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    Originally Posted by Ginj View Post
    Thought I would attach a list of **** she pulled:

    Her dad told me I didnt look like a personal trainer


    Her and her dad tried to make me change job




    Someone tell me why I'm missing her? Or am I missing the abuse?
    I sounds like it might run in the family, looking at what dad was like.

    You probably miss the feelings you got from the good times. The scarce time it went good.

    And people like being loved by someone, someone that gives, you see after a hard days work, you can fall back on, someone that helps you in tough times, and someone you can help in tough times.

    Lets just say you miss a best friend, who gave you love, but with that came mind games.
    Last edited by Carljung; 12-20-2019 at 08:06 AM.
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    I sounds like it might run in the family, looking at what dad was like.

    You probably miss the feelings you got from the good times. The scarce time it went good.

    And people like being loved by someone, someone that gives, you see after a hard days work, you can fall back on, someone that helps you in tough times, and someone you can help in tough times.

    Lets just say you miss a best friend, who gave you love, but with that came mind games.

    Yeah her dad was very controlling, he was in an abusive relationship with an ex wife and her mum was in an abusive relationship with an ex husband
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    Originally Posted by Ginj View Post
    Yeah her dad was very controlling, he was in an abusive relationship with an ex wife and her mum was in an abusive relationship with an ex husband
    And when she has a new boyfriend and gets kids, she will treat those kids like **** and we have a full circle.

    Be glad she is gone, it will be hard tough.
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    And when she has a new boyfriend and gets kids, she will treat those kids like **** and we have a full circle.

    Be glad she is gone, it will be hard tough.
    Yep, she wont change.

    Feels like I'm missing a f*cking child

    Actually f*cked
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    Originally Posted by MajorTendonitis View Post
    I don’t think there’s a single sloot that hasn’t claimed she’s been raped . Red flag right there OP
    Pretty much this, the moment she mentions rape im outta there. Im not a cop, a psychologist or even a lawyer. She can see those people for help.
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    She's crazy, delusional and full of ****.

    Cut your losses and move on.
    The billionaire and the beggar both have 24 hours in a day.

    That's why grandma's apple pie rocks and yours sucks.

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