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  1. #1
    Registered User dannmann1992's Avatar
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    I think my girlfriend is breaking up with me?

    So my girlfriend and I had a huge fight days ago.

    We had planned almost a month ago for me to spend Christmas with her and her family. This would be our first Christmas together and the first time I would be meeting her family. I took her to get some drinks and told her that I needed to tell her something- that I would be going to stay with my friend in NYC from the 23rd-26th (my family lives on the West Coast). She got super pissed. I knew she would be upset but to be pissed seems like an overreaction. I told her the reason why I wouldn't be spending Christmas with her and her family is because her mother is religious and wouldn't want me spending the night so I would have drive down there that day and drive back later. I'm not driving 2 hours to and from, especially on Christmas. I told her I thought this was petty. She flipped tf out. Like REALLY flipped out. She kept saying how I knew spending Christmas together was important to her and how embarrassing it is that her entire family knew I was coming and now how I'm not coming all because I didn't feel like driving down. Then she went on about how what is her mother going to think of me now before she's even met me because I'm no longer coming for Christmas for a stupid reason (not stupid to me). Then she go up, left, got her stuff, and went back home. I tried to go after but she whipped around and told me not to follow her and to go to NY. I haven't heard from her since and it's been days. I've been giving her her space but she was just so angry and it's been days so I don't know if she's broken up with me.

    All in all, I feel like she really overreacted.
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  2. #2
    Registered User tigergrind's Avatar
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    Nah, you made plans with her and went back on them, not to mention it's the first time meeting the parents and you can't sacrifice a 2 hour drive both ways for the girl you love.
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  3. #3
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tigergrind View Post
    Nah, you made plans with her and went back on them, not to mention it's the first time meeting the parents and you can't sacrifice a 2 hour drive both ways for the girl you love.
    Agree, you messed up pretty bad on this one.

    But part of me thinks you’re choked your GF isn’t advocating for your to stay at her parents and somehow this is getting back at her. Not saying that’s what’s happening but it popped into my mind.
    Last edited by dolvioblue; 12-08-2019 at 03:51 PM.
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    Registered User Royalty2017's Avatar
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    You made plans a month ago. She told her parents you would be there. Now you’ve bailed and act like it’s no big deal. I would be pissed too. And I would re evaluate if you were going to break other promises or commitments and I could trust you. I don’t think you’re seeing it from her perspective at all.
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Agree, you messed up pretty bad on this one.

    But part of me thinks you’re choked your GF isn’t advocating for your to stay at her parents and somehow this is getting back at her. Not saying that’s what’s happening but it popped into my mind.
    Is this part of it OP?

    Can you just get a hotel room?
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  6. #6
    Registered User dannmann1992's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Agree, you messed up pretty bad on this one.

    But part of me thinks you’re choked your GF isn’t advocating for your to stay at her parents and somehow this is getting back at her. Not saying that’s what’s happening but it popped into my mind.

    You don’t think her breaking up with me over this is an overreaction?

    No, that’s not it. At least I don’t think. I told her if I could come the night before and stay then I’d come down.
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  7. #7
    Registered User dannmann1992's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Royalty2017 View Post
    You made plans a month ago. She told her parents you would be there. Now you’ve bailed and act like it’s no big deal. I would be pissed too. And I would re evaluate if you were going to break other promises or commitments and I could trust you. I don’t think you’re seeing it from her perspective at all.

    Yea but I told her I could meet her parents when they come up to see her next time. So it’s not like I’m telling her I’ll never meet them.
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  8. #8
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    If I had a new GF I was excited about and she was going to spend Xmas with me and my family and then she turned round now and said she was going to go stay with one of her sloot friends instead, I would dump her.

    So yeah you fukked up OP.
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  9. #9
    Registered User dolvioblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dannmann1992 View Post
    You don’t think her breaking up with me over this is an overreaction?

    No, that’s not it. At least I don’t think. I told her if I could come the night before and stay then I’d come down.
    No I don’t. People break up over these things because it shows a lack of respect and breaks trust. You said you’d be there... be there with her. You’ve now embarrassed her during a time that is important to her mother due to her faith.

    When I was very young my GF’s grandma died and I said I would come to the funeral. I got busy building this big dog kennel for my dogs to run in and told her I couldn’t make it. Her whole family was very angry for a long, long time and my GF brought that up on the day we called it quits. Point here is I didn’t realize how I needed to be there for my GF during a time she needed and wanted me to be close. I was a lot younger than you though and it was a selfish mistake.

    It’s Christmas... not being with family is wrong. My Christmas is spent with a handful of people and you are very lucky to have an entire house of people waiting to meet you. If you wanted to cement this relationship with your girl you would show up and be an absolute gentleman. Pour wine, serve food and clean every dish in that place when it’s over.
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  10. #10
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    If I had a new GF I was excited about and she was going to spend Xmas with me and my family and then she turned round now and said she was going to go stay with one of her sloot friends instead, I would dump her.

    So yeah you fukked up OP.
    This. It completely blows my mind that OP can't see things from this perspective at all, just lmao.
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  11. #11
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    Mine of 2 years was pretty much out the door before Thanksgiving but I much ended ours on Thanksgiving by not coming up the day after. 2 years together and day before anniversary she doesn’t call or answer me that next. Next day doesn’t reach and say happy anniversary or nothing. Didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks so I called her the Mon before Thanksgiving asked what was up and if I was still coming. She sends some texts saying we’re both ready to move on, she hates me being at home saving money for a house and what would have been a ring for her. Wants to be friends blah blah. I sent her a text of her ring measurements as what I was saving towards vs an apt where we live that would eat 65%+ of my salary.

    Next day she acts like nothing happened and wants me to come. Thanksgiving Day she facetimes me in bed where she’s staying at and asks me to bring a pump for the air mattress. I asked her who the hell was sleeping on that and she said me and her would (as she’s laying in a bed). I never went.

    Next week back wanted to go ice skating and said “but no sex”. Basically I had enough by then, and told her this wasn’t gonna work for me and to call me if she wanted to be bf/gf for real again. Just got a “k”. Lol whatever. Glad I didn’t drive 4 hours on Thanksgiving weekend to have her try and transition me into a friend and sleep on an air mattress.

    Women always seem to breakup around this time. It sucks but whatever
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  12. #12
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    This reminds me of the time I bailed on an exes graduation because I didn’t want to meet her extended family. L M A O, you ****ed up. She didn’t dump me but it took a while for her to forgive me.


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    been hooking up with this chick and i told her christmas is a depressing holiday and she cut me off LOL. with her cute lil loving family just lol she just doesn't understand
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    You done goofed
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    Originally Posted by HoustonMiscer View Post
    been hooking up with this chick and i told her christmas is a depressing holiday and she cut me off LOL. with her cute lil loving family just lol she just doesn't understand
    As depressing as the Texans vs the broncos
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    Idk what the big deal is, if my husband did that, I’d be annoyed but driving 4 hours on Xmas seems silly and I would want him to have an enjoyable day, he could meet my family whenever and meeting a family on Xmas sounds really stressful
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    Originally Posted by Royalty2017 View Post
    Is this part of it OP?

    Can you just get a hotel room?

    This. Get a hotel room like an adult
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    Idk what the big deal is, if my husband did that, I’d be annoyed but driving 4 hours on Xmas seems silly and I would want him to have an enjoyable day, he could meet my family whenever and meeting a family on Xmas sounds really stressful
    The big deal is he already made a commitment. They made the plans a MONTH ago and he tells her 2 weeks before. He shouldn't have agreed to begin with if that was the case. You make a commitment you stick to it, especially an important one.

    And let's be honest 4-hour drive round trip isn't that big of a deal for a one day sacrifice for something that's important to someone you love.
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    Idk what the big deal is, if my husband did that, I’d be annoyed but driving 4 hours on Xmas seems silly and I would want him to have an enjoyable day, he could meet my family whenever and meeting a family on Xmas sounds really stressful
    Not going is OK.

    Saying you're going to go, getting her all excited about showing you off to her family for the first time, getting her excited about this step which shows the relationship is going somewhere and then casually blowing her off 2 weeks before Christmas to go hang out with your friend...is not OK.
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    Not going is OK.

    Saying you're going to go, getting her all excited about showing you off to her family for the first time, getting her excited about this step which shows the relationship is going somewhere and then casually blowing her off 2 weeks before Christmas to go hang out with your friend...is not OK.
    i guess my family is different, if anything I’d beg him to bring me with, I loved being away at college for so long and living 2500 miles away, avoiding holidays and just working
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    i guess my family is different, if anything I’d beg him to bring me with, I loved being away at college for so long and living 2500 miles away, avoiding holidays and just working
    Christmas is also her Dad's birthday so she wouldn't be able to come with me anyways.
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  22. #22
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    i guess my family is different, if anything I’d beg him to bring me with, I loved being away at college for so long and living 2500 miles away, avoiding holidays and just working
    Literally nobody thinks like you. What you are saying is not really related to this post. You and OP should date.
    Last edited by dolvioblue; 12-08-2019 at 08:00 PM.
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    Originally Posted by snailsrus View Post
    i guess my family is different, if anything I’d beg him to bring me with, I loved being away at college for so long and living 2500 miles away, avoiding holidays and just working
    The fact that you personally might prefer to go to your husband's family for holidays rather than the other way around isn't really analogous to the situation described by OP.
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    The fact that you personally might prefer to go to your husband's family for holidays rather than the other way around isn't really analogous to the situation described by OP.
    This.

    She and OP are both remedial.
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    If I had a new GF I was excited about and she was going to spend Xmas with me and my family and then she turned round now and said she was going to go stay with one of her sloot friends instead, I would dump her.

    So yeah you fukked up OP.

    This. Obviously there’s way around the issue you brought up OP, but you picked the wrong answer lmao
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    If I had a new GF I was excited about and she was going to spend Xmas with me and my family and then she turned round now and said she was going to go stay with one of her sloot friends instead, I would dump her.

    So yeah you fukked up OP.
    Exactly.

    OP should have declined the invitation if he was uncomfortable.
    After he committed, it’s looks awful to ditch her and go hang out with friends.

    Also, I’m sure that the GF would have found a way for him not to have to drive back. He never met the mom yet is making assumptions.

    GF has every right to be irate at all this immaturity and the flaking.
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    no srs tag, op being belligerently and demonstratively stupid.

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    Key thing here is not the logistics of you getting there and back, but going back on a commitment that anyone with one iota of sense can see is massively disappointing/embarrassing for your girlfriend, since she's told everyone you'll be there. You've displayed a massive lack of empathy and dependability. These are serious character flaws which she wouldn't be out of order for dumping you for.

    Hope this is a troll for your sake.
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    Originally Posted by AndyKerrison View Post
    Key thing here is not the logistics of you getting there and back, but going back on a commitment that anyone with one iota of sense can see is massively disappointing/embarrassing for your girlfriend, since she's told everyone you'll be there. You've displayed a massive lack of empathy and dependability. These are serious character flaws which she wouldn't be out of order for dumping you for.

    Hope this is a troll for your sake.
    She’s be wondering if you’ll bail on future things in life together. Dinner parties. Weddings.
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Literally nobody thinks like you. What you are saying is not really related to this post. You and OP should date.
    married and it’s just Christmas, if you care about someone you should want them to be happy. How is it a good Christmas to be driving 4 plus hours to have to go home alone at like 8 and spend the night alone. :/ after stressing and trying to impress your gf’s dad? I’d feel guilty, if he could spend the night or she was going home with op it would be different or if op was staying at his family’s house
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