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  1. #1
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Work with ex, she came in my office

    So I share this office with an older female coworker who was not there at the time.

    My ex all of a sudden in the door opening while asking where my coworker is -she made fun of my ex and my ex wanted to kick her ass for fun- she said something like: "I wanted to kick her ass but shes not here so I will kick your ass.. joke, you're too strong."
    She was a bit humorous and asked if i was busy. then she left.

    Its my ex since about 6-7 weeks and we rarely chat or app on phone, weeks without any contact.
    About a week ago she asked me something about her car and I responded but I did not keep the conversation going.

    I also have not seen her since the breakup

    So there was in my opinion nothing for her to come to my specific office for.
    Would this be a check up on her part to see how I am doing? Or am I looking for things that aren't there and stop thinking about it.
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  2. #2
    That's pretty neat Varials's Avatar
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    With her messaging you about her car shows me that shes trying to reach out to you and get conversation going again. Was it a bad break up?
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    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Varials View Post
    With her messaging you about her car shows me that shes trying to reach out to you and get conversation going again. Was it a bad break up?
    We had alot of fights before the break up because of her jealousy.
    In the end she broke up with me, and I did not contact her for 5 days. After those days she called me, saying that she hoped everyday in those 5 days that i came to her house to fight for the relationship, then I told her I can come right now, and she said it was too late, she should not have to tell me to come...


    So a weird break up, but no real anger or something.
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    That's pretty neat Varials's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    We had alot of fights before the break up because of her jealousy.
    In the end she broke up with me, and I did not contact her for 5 days. After those days she called me, saying that she hoped everyday in those 5 days that i came to her house to fight for the relationship, then I told her I can come right now, and she said it was too late, she should not have to tell me to come...


    So a weird break up, but no real anger or something.
    If you have any intentions on going back, don't. Straight NC. She's playing games with you. It sounds like she broke up with full expectations of you crawling back to make her feel wanted because her jealously was high. Huge red flag. If there was any issues in the relationship, communication is key. Play games like this isn't. During this time, she's still missing you and trying to reach back out, hence the whole work situation and car conversation. Don't fall for it and continue focusing on yourself.
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  5. #5
    Registered User TallSaint's Avatar
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    I'm kind of in the same boat with my ex except it's not at work it's at a sports league that I play in weekly (that I introduced to her when we were a couple).

    Unlike your situation, we just ignore each other totally when we are there.

    I guarantee you it is this: Your ex, like mine, is bothered by the fact that the guy she broke up with didn't come crawling back asking for another chance. It bothers her that you are living your life and can manage that without her. It's not even about if she is willing to give you another chance or just straight up reject you, it's about her wanting to feel that you need her. She craves the validation.

    Don't give it to her.
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    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Varials View Post
    If you have any intentions on going back, don't. Straight NC. She's playing games with you. It sounds like she broke up with full expectations of you crawling back to make her feel wanted because her jealously was high. Huge red flag. If there was any issues in the relationship, communication is key. Play games like this isn't. During this time, she's still missing you and trying to reach back out, hence the whole work situation and car conversation. Don't fall for it and continue focusing on yourself.
    Maybe you're right, maybe its games. But in our relationship she wanted to get married and have my children. But because of her jealousy I wanted to wait if our relationship turned out better. And this is also what I told her everytime it came up.
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  7. #7
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TallSaint View Post
    I'm kind of in the same boat with my ex except it's not at work it's at a sports league that I play in weekly (that I introduced to her when we were a couple).

    Unlike your situation, we just ignore each other totally when we are there.

    I guarantee you it is this: Your ex, like mine, is bothered by the fact that the guy she broke up with didn't come crawling back asking for another chance. It bothers her that you are living your life and can manage that without her. It's not even about if she is willing to give you another chance or just straight up reject you, it's about her wanting to feel that you need her. She craves the validation.

    Don't give it to her.
    Could be so yes.

    While we were dating, her ex always stayed in contact with her, she told me he was very sad that she ended it.
    So maybe she expects this reaction from me aswell.
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  8. #8
    Registered User TallSaint's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    Could be so yes.

    While we were dating, her ex always stayed in contact with her, she told me he was very sad that she ended it.
    So maybe she expects this reaction from me aswell.
    Yeah it was the same about my ex and the guy she dated before me.

    Dude became an alcoholic and let himself go hard. He would hit up my ex over social media and do anything to get her attention from asking her back to be with him to asking her for food recipes just have her attention.

    Personally didn't understand it at all, my ex has some highly toxic traits that really made me lose hope in our relationship and there is a part of me that is constantly relieved that I'm free of her even though I do miss her at times. I always try to remind myself that when I miss her.

    Some women just need submissive guys who will run back to them them even despite their manipulative and gas lighting behavior.
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  9. #9
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    Ignore and move on.
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    A woman who demands you fight for your relationship but doesn't put in 1 ounce of effort herself, isn't worth fighting for. Don't let her come around your place of work again, she's a fruitloop.
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    then I told her I can come right now, and she said it was too late
    lol'd
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  12. #12
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TallSaint View Post

    Personally didn't understand it at all, my ex has some highly toxic traits that really made me lose hope in our relationship and there is a part of me that is constantly relieved that I'm free of her even though I do miss her at times. I always try to remind myself that when I miss her.
    I have the same, so dumb, I was not happy with her in the relationship, but now I miss it...
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    Originally Posted by CrimsonSteel View Post
    Ignore and move on.
    Easier said than done, but this ^^^^ is the best advice.
    Very truly yours
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  14. #14
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    You work with your ex? Don't **** where you eat man....and don't eat ****. Asking for trouble.
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  15. #15
    Crassiest Modulator Alive memcop's Avatar
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    Nah man that was some control type stuff. Trust your gut. She was definitely checking up on you.

    Also, read up on counter surveillance or just pay attention to your surroundings. Guaranteed to see her in a parking lot somewhere
    G4P
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  16. #16
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by memcop View Post
    Nah man that was some control type stuff. Trust your gut. She was definitely checking up on you.
    I think maybe you are right, trust the gut. I just secretly hope that she is looking for professional help and comes back to me or something. But yea, that's probably not gonna happen.
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  17. #17
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    She came in my office
    This thread did not live up to expectations.
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  18. #18
    Registered User Coolman468's Avatar
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    You’ll be fine op, trust me it’s not that deep. Just move on.
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    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Coolman468 View Post
    You’ll be fine op, trust me it’s not that deep. Just move on.
    Thx.
    I will be fine, all though when she's at the office it feels a bit thumbs down you know.
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  20. #20
    Registered User Coolman468's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    Thx.
    I will be fine, all though when she's at the office it feels a bit thumbs down you know.
    I’ll tell you a story I went through to prove you will eventually just move on. Freshman year in college I was on the track team. Never had a gf at this point. In October this cute girl started showing interest. We went through the whole talking, dating process, in January she ends things with us. Two weeks later I’m at a party and I see her holding hands with a mutual “friend” and teammate at a party and afterwards see them walking back to the dorms together, this was a guy she was texting when we were together and she told me his just a friend. Anyway next day I tell him we are not cool, but from January to May I saw them everyday at practice and at the meets on the weekends, literally no break. But I was complete NC and by mid April I was almost completely over it. She tried talking to me during that period, just kept it short, she even asked if I hated her, told her no and walked away, come June she sends me a text saying “hey I hope you’re having a great summer so far” I deleted the message and never replied.

    This summer my boy ran into her at the bar, and she was asking about me and saying I was the cutest, nicest guy ever. If I was able to move on from that you can, you don’t even see this girl everyday. It was by far one of the hardest times of my life because I fell for her hard.
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  21. #21
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Coolman468 View Post
    I’ll tell you a story I went through to prove you will eventually just move on. Freshman year in college I was on the track team. Never had a gf at this point. In October this cute girl started showing interest. We went through the whole talking, dating process, in January she ends things with us. Two weeks later I’m at a party and I see her holding hands with a mutual “friend” and teammate at a party and afterwards see them walking back to the dorms together, this was a guy she was texting when we were together and she told me his just a friend. Anyway next day I tell him we are not cool, but from January to May I saw them everyday at practice and at the meets on the weekends, literally no break. But I was complete NC and by mid April I was almost completely over it. She tried talking to me during that period, just kept it short, she even asked if I hated her, told her no and walked away, come June she sends me a text saying “hey I hope you’re having a great summer so far” I deleted the message and never replied.

    This summer my boy ran into her at the bar, and she was asking about me and saying I was the cutest, nicest guy ever. If I was able to move on from that you can, you don’t even see this girl everyday. It was by far one of the hardest times of my life because I fell for her hard.
    Ok, yeah, you had your face in the facts there. Seeing them everyday really must have hurt. That probably helped with the getting over process?

    I assume my ex is seeing someone, but I would not know.
    Maybe she starts texting someday, what is best there? Just being nice and short, and not initiating the convo?

    You know, she was so ****ing jealous. She always said it was my fault and she was never like that. I once went to a club with friends and she came in the club later that night. She saw me staring at some womans ass or something -wich I dont remember- and she was pissed about it for months.

    I told her I never cheated on anyone and never will, maybe I had too much to drink or something, maybe I was just pissed that she came unannounced and I had the feeling she was checking up on me.

    She kept this thing over my head for the whole time we were together...

    Still I miss her now.
    Anyway, I still did not text her or anything, wich I have no hard time with.
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  22. #22
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    Ok, yeah, you had your face in the facts there. Seeing them everyday really must have hurt. That probably helped with the getting over process?

    I assume my ex is seeing someone, but I would not know.
    Maybe she starts texting someday, what is best there? Just being nice and short, and not initiating the convo?

    You know, she was so ****ing jealous. She always said it was my fault and she was never like that. I once went to a club with friends and she came in the club later that night. She saw me staring at some womans ass or something -wich I dont remember- and she was pissed about it for months.

    I told her I never cheated on anyone and never will, maybe I had too much to drink or something, maybe I was just pissed that she came unannounced and I had the feeling she was checking up on me.

    She kept this thing over my head for the whole time we were together...

    Still I miss her now.
    Anyway, I still did not text her or anything, wich I have no hard time with.
    Doesnt matter if she’s seeing someone else or not, she probably is, but it does nothing to you, it’s no threat to your life or who you are so don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t say seeing them everyday helped me move on, i took a big step when we had spring break and I was finally able to get away from them, and have a mental break. When I came back I was in a much better place. But I would say seeing them everyday made me stronger.

    If she texts you I say just keep it nice and short especially if she didn’t do anything sleazy. It shows maturity, it also shows l you aren’t mad and butt hurt, and the fact that you keep it short sends a huge message, but if you also don’t reply then that’s fine, who cares what she thinks at the end of the day.
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  23. #23
    Registered User Carljung's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Coolman468 View Post
    I wouldn’t say seeing them everyday helped me move on, i took a big step when we had spring break and I was finally able to get away from them, and have a mental break.
    Mental break or mental breakdown? How did you handle that?

    Originally Posted by Coolman468 View Post
    If she texts you I say just keep it nice and short especially if she didn’t do anything sleazy. It shows maturity, it also shows l you aren’t mad and butt hurt, and the fact that you keep it short sends a huge message, but if you also don’t reply then that’s fine, who cares what she thinks at the end of the day.
    Yes I will not ignore, because what you said there, Im not mad or butthurt about the situation.
    And the amount of in love she was with me, even if she has a new one, it cant be she does not think of me.

    I feel its also a bit of an ego thing, I don't want her to just be over me in a day.
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    Manlets gonna make it Natty1980's Avatar
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    She wants the D again.
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    Mental break or mental breakdown? How did you handle that?



    Yes I will not ignore, because what you said there, Im not mad or butthurt about the situation.
    And the amount of in love she was with me, even if she has a new one, it cant be she does not think of me.

    I feel its also a bit of an ego thing, I don't want her to just be over me in a day.
    A mental break bro, lol at mental breakdown over some sloot, maybe if my ex of 2.5 years did what she did then maybe, but probably not.
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    Mental break or mental breakdown? How did you handle that?



    Yes I will not ignore, because what you said there, Im not mad or butthurt about the situation.
    And the amount of in love she was with me, even if she has a new one, it cant be she does not think of me.

    I feel its also a bit of an ego thing, I don't want her to just be over me in a day.
    all girls are like this bro they can love you one day and be over you the next, girls support group is always there they'll go out with the girls talk chit about you and shell take home a new guy the next day

    we take it way harder in the beginning get over it, and they are over it in a day and months later come crawling back once they realize they made a mistake.. opposite from us

    by that time you'll be over her
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    Originally Posted by 5OShadesOfGains View Post
    all girls are like this bro they can love you one day and be over you the next, girls support group is always there they'll go out with the girls talk chit about you and shell take home a new guy the next day

    we take it way harder in the beginning get over it, and they are over it in a day and months later come crawling back once they realize they made a mistake.. opposite from us

    by that time you'll be over her
    I hope I'll get over her, Yesterday I almost drove by her house in a rental car I had for work.
    To check if there is another car on her driveway, so that I can really forget her you know.
    If she has someone else I really don't want her back and can let it go.

    I still have this feeling she might have changed a bit and be coming back, but that's probably just unrealistic.
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    she wanted you to beg for her to save the relationship when she 'broke up' and was hoping for a dramatic gesture in the 5 days of breaking up. good man, you didnt do anything like that.

    she never stopped being attracted to you and never stopped having feelings for you, but she does want to emotionally manipulate you.
    have you ever heard of a personality disorder called "borderline personality"? in that disorder, usually women, they have a tendency to 'crazy make' their partners. they'll say they want something then get angry about getting what they asked for.
    she broke up and wanted you to chase her. you didnt. when she said she wanted you to save the relationship and you played along she said that was the wrong answer also.

    her thrill is you chasing her and her just being out of reach.

    talk to her if you want to, surface level stuff..but do not take her seriously because you'll end up pissed off more often than not
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    OP you're going to need a bodyguard bro. I'm a sharp shooter with 2 glocks. I charge 30 bucks an hour.
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    Originally Posted by kneeonbelly View Post
    she wanted you to beg for her to save the relationship when she 'broke up' and was hoping for a dramatic gesture in the 5 days of breaking up. good man, you didnt do anything like that.

    she never stopped being attracted to you and never stopped having feelings for you, but she does want to emotionally manipulate you.
    have you ever heard of a personality disorder called "borderline personality"? in that disorder, usually women, they have a tendency to 'crazy make' their partners. they'll say they want something then get angry about getting what they asked for.
    she broke up and wanted you to chase her. you didnt. when she said she wanted you to save the relationship and you played along she said that was the wrong answer also.

    her thrill is you chasing her and her just being out of reach.

    talk to her if you want to, surface level stuff..but do not take her seriously because you'll end up pissed off more often than not

    I have heard about Borderline, I think she might have that, or full on narcissist. I had a relationship before where the girl was super jealous and scared that I would leave her. Wich I eventually did.
    Its so frustrating that if she was just a bit more normal, we could have had kids and more.

    I really dont want to be f*cking around on dating apps and whatever, just want a nice girl that is happy for once, instead of always being unsatisfied.
    Thx man, this helps.
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