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    Registered User UnluckyMessiah's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2019
    Age: 49
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    Suffering from depression.

    All was going well in my life or I think it was. Maybe the illusion that I was going to graduate soon with a degree and I have my long distance girlfriend of 2 years moving out here finally after her fiancé visa was approved. Yesterday we had a falling out for the same reasons. I’m 22. I don’t have my own place I don’t have my drivers license my only true source of income is my part time job at a dying retail company. I got into stocks. I was up $300 for the past month. I let my ego take over I never felt more alive I started depositing over and over again. Each time more ambitious that I’d make more. Yesterday during an argument I lost $200 and when I got feelings of remorse I let it ride and lost another $800. I’m down $1,000. I know this may seem like not a lot to some or a ton to others. From my perspective this was the pinnacle of my depression. I cried honestly for the first time today. I can’t seem to see better days. I want to better myself after this loss and I want to be able to provide for my future wife. Those 1,000 I can make back in a month but from my view it’s as if I’d lost 1 million. I have been the most disgusting frugal person for the passed year. And yea money comes and goes but that’s why this made me bleed. I’m never going into stocks again not until I’m in a good place in life. I have a savings of about $18k and she another $8k. We eventually want to live on our own and start our careers. I’m going to school for a history major. Something I chose because I loved it. At a ****ty state school. Luckily no loans. I come from a pretty poor background. Everytime I get asked why I picked this degree or how it will make me money I tend to keep my chin up although it causes me much anxiety inside. After this loss in the market this big mistake idk what I should do next. I seem to have a catalyst for good things. I want to get into sales and maybe save up for a portion of law school. I just don’t know yet. I just need any advice I can get. I can’t drive although I’m physically able to, I get anxiety, I can’t work out because I can’t seem to stay committed, and I can’t seem to spend money on myself because of my background.

    If anybody actually reads this through. Thank you so much. I know out there there are people with great hearts on these forums even if it’s tough love. The internet helped me get my fiancé’s visa and helped me learn to build credit. I’m trusting this forum will help me through this too

    I want to make something of myself I want to start doing things that will make me more confident. I can’t take living with depression anymore.
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