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  1. #1
    Registered User ErinB1218's Avatar
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    Angry Spouse sabotaging my journey to the stage

    I am currently 7 weeks out from my next show, and training and diet have been great. Recovery and sleep, however...well, I could use a lot more. Due to some recent financial hiccups that popped up a little over one month ago, I have found myself having to work extra shifts with my job. I open to close my store four times a week. Due to this I get my ass to the gym at 2AM to make sure that my workout is efficient.

    So, yeah. I'm tired. This isn't my first show, I knew what I was undertaking when I signed myself up to compete in this next show. But holy hell. Finding time to prep my food is difficult. But I do it; it's what is necessary.

    Now, I haven't competed in about 6 years. I have also been married to my current husband for three years now, so he has never witnessed the whole show prep thing.

    Initially, he was supportive. Now, it seems as if he is almost angry with everything that has to do with my prep. I have asked him during sit down conversations if he was still onboard with everything; he swears he is.
    However he is doing even the smallest of stuff (overbuying junk food, leaving it out everywhere, stuffing his face with it saying how good it tastes) to his eating my prepped food, KNOWING those are my meals that my tired ass preps, and doesn't seem to care when I get upset about it.

    I don't know. I had to vent. Clearly there are more underlying issues in my marriage, but crap: wouldn't this piss you off to no end? I know I'm hungry, I'm tired, stressed financially...but it's about ready to make me throw in the towel, on not only my show, but also my marriage. I've been training since May for this show and I feel like I am already at a threshold.
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  2. #2
    Registered User shmobin's Avatar
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    Bro, don't go making brash decisions about your marriage. This close to comp you're going to be incredibly mental.

    Why isn't that clown in the gym with you though??!
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    Originally Posted by ErinB1218 View Post
    I am currently 7 weeks out from my next show, and training and diet have been great. Recovery and sleep, however...well, I could use a lot more. Due to some recent financial hiccups that popped up a little over one month ago, I have found myself having to work extra shifts with my job. I open to close my store four times a week. Due to this I get my ass to the gym at 2AM to make sure that my workout is efficient.

    So, yeah. I'm tired. This isn't my first show, I knew what I was undertaking when I signed myself up to compete in this next show. But holy hell. Finding time to prep my food is difficult. But I do it; it's what is necessary.

    Now, I haven't competed in about 6 years. I have also been married to my current husband for three years now, so he has never witnessed the whole show prep thing.

    Initially, he was supportive. Now, it seems as if he is almost angry with everything that has to do with my prep. I have asked him during sit down conversations if he was still onboard with everything; he swears he is.
    However he is doing even the smallest of stuff (overbuying junk food, leaving it out everywhere, stuffing his face with it saying how good it tastes) to his eating my prepped food, KNOWING those are my meals that my tired ass preps, and doesn't seem to care when I get upset about it.

    I don't know. I had to vent. Clearly there are more underlying issues in my marriage, but crap: wouldn't this piss you off to no end? I know I'm hungry, I'm tired, stressed financially...but it's about ready to make me throw in the towel, on not only my show, but also my marriage. I've been training since May for this show and I feel like I am already at a threshold.
    First of all, kudos to you for being dedicated to your goal (the show) and pushing through the extra shifts fatigue to get to the gym at 2 am and doing meal prep.

    What kind of shape is your husband in? When I lost weight, 8.5 yrs ago, my husband was pretty supportive. Over the years, though, he gained and lost weight and was bringing stuff that he knew I loved. It makes it hard but you have that goal and you know what you need to do.

    Eating your meals is really beyond mean. He understands the process, i take it, since you've explained it all to him. Meal eating is cheating you of opportunity to attain your goal here. He needs to know this. He could help you meal prep, if he's as supportive as he keeps telling you.

    You're getting close to your show so he has to understand how much this sabotage is hurting you.
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  4. #4
    Registered User ErinB1218's Avatar
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    The husband has gained a bit of weight over the years, but nothing crazy (probably around 10-15 lbs). He used to go to the gym with me, and as a matter of fact, when we were dating, he said fitness was a huge and important component of his life. Nah. He just bought a couple of protein powder jugs to sit on his kitchen counter and threw some shaker cups around the floorboard of his car to make him look “dedicated”, but I digress.

    He’s buying off the wall sweet treats that we have never in our years of marriage had in our home and blatantly leaves it out in the open. He eats this crap in front of me, animated the whole time, complete with moans and loud smacking. For f’s sake dude.

    But the whole eating of my meals is recent; he just started a couple of days ago taking my containers and apparently eating them. I say apparently because I found two containers, still with tilapia in them in his work bag after I reached in the fridge to get my meals for work and noticed they were gone. I asked him why, he said he needed a lunch for work. Dude, I make you a lunch everyday!

    It doesn’t make sense to me, and it honestly breaks my heart to think he doesn’t give two craps about jeopardizing this process for me, especially when things have made such a stressful turn lately.

    I feel like I’m just being a big baby, but looking at it objectively, this sh^t is f’ed up! I mean, it’s legit for me to be royally pissed and hurt by this...right??
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    Originally Posted by ErinB1218 View Post
    The husband has gained a bit of weight over the years, but nothing crazy (probably around 10-15 lbs). He used to go to the gym with me, and as a matter of fact, when we were dating, he said fitness was a huge and important component of his life. Nah. He just bought a couple of protein powder jugs to sit on his kitchen counter and threw some shaker cups around the floorboard of his car to make him look “dedicated”, but I digress.

    He’s buying off the wall sweet treats that we have never in our years of marriage had in our home and blatantly leaves it out in the open. He eats this crap in front of me, animated the whole time, complete with moans and loud smacking. For f’s sake dude.

    But the whole eating of my meals is recent; he just started a couple of days ago taking my containers and apparently eating them. I say apparently because I found two containers, still with tilapia in them in his work bag after I reached in the fridge to get my meals for work and noticed they were gone. I asked him why, he said he needed a lunch for work. Dude, I make you a lunch everyday!

    It doesn’t make sense to me, and it honestly breaks my heart to think he doesn’t give two craps about jeopardizing this process for me, especially when things have made such a stressful turn lately.

    I feel like I’m just being a big baby, but looking at it objectively, this sh^t is f’ed up! I mean, it’s legit for me to be royally pissed and hurt by this...right??
    It is when the words have no follow through. If you already make him his lunches, why would he take your meal prep? Those things LOOK like meal prep. My husband used to keep buying chocolate because that used to be my one Achilles. But I gave up eating chocolate for my new year's resolution, in 2017, and I've finally won that battle because that was a huge saboteur for me.

    Talk to him. My husband finally got it (most of the time) that it's hard. I think the fact that he's losing and gaining the same 50 lbs is why he will occasionally try to throw me a curve ball. I am also upset when he eats the few things I buy that are specifically for me and leaves me with nothing.
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  6. #6
    Registered User NearlyBigAngus's Avatar
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    The issues obviously run deeper than show prep but that's how they're being manifested. I'd say he's feeling left out but unable to say how he's feeling. Do you have much in common any more?
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  7. #7
    Focus on yourself kimm4's Avatar
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    Your issues run deeper and I hope you can work together to get them figured out. Communication is huge so sit down, keep calm and talk like adults. If that doesn't work get some counseling. If you really love each other you'll find a way to fix things.

    Keep in mind this is your prep, not the rest of your family. I've done more preps than I can count and there's always been treats in my home for hubby, the kids and their friends. During preps I was still cooking their yummy meals, baking them goodies, ordering them take out, fast food nights, etc...I never let anything change in my home just because I was doing a prep. I had to dig deep for the willpower, dedication, how bad do I want it, blah, blah, blah..

    When you make your meals/store them just give him the heads not to touch them period.

    Good luck!
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    Originally Posted by kimm4 View Post
    Your issues run deeper and I hope you can work together to get them figured out. Communication is huge so sit down, keep calm and talk like adults. If that doesn't work get some counseling. If you really love each other you'll find a way to fix things.

    Keep in mind this is your prep, not the rest of your family. I've done more preps than I can count and there's always been treats in my home for hubby, the kids and their friends. During preps I was still cooking their yummy meals, baking them goodies, ordering them take out, fast food nights, etc...I never let anything change in my home just because I was doing a prep. I had to dig deep for the willpower, dedication, how bad do I want it, blah, blah, blah..

    When you make your meals/store them just give him the heads not to touch them period.

    Good luck!
    It sounds like it's just them, no kids. Anyone who's lost weight/done prep etc. knows you need the will power to do it, even with temptation around. It is harder when you have kids there eating all sorts. It's harder when you're the one who cooks etc. It is harder but it's not impossible. You can see how hard it is by the fail rate of longterm weight loss.

    OP has a spouse who supports her vision but is throwing curveball by eating the food she preps, for herself, when she gets home in the wee hours. That is something that needs to be addressed especially when she makes him his own lunches to take to work. You can sense the frustration in her words.

    I do think it does run deeper than simple sabotage, though. Perhaps he is insecure about the reactions of others when OP hits her stride? Who knows.
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    Focus on yourself kimm4's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NerdyLady View Post
    I do think it does run deeper than simple sabotage, though. Perhaps he is insecure about the reactions of others when OP hits her stride? Who knows.
    My other thought was the recent financial stress. The cost of competing is damn expensive. Unless everything for the show had already been paid for, maybe that's bothering the husband along with the other stresses she's dealing with?

    I don't know.
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    No offense but your husband sounds like a cartoon character. I would definitely say some marriage counselling is in order after the show. Good luck.
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    Manlets gonna make it Natty1980's Avatar
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    I smell insecurity... having a dad bod and being married to a competitive female athlete must not be easy for him.
    I would not take drastic decisions, neither regarding the competition (it would be a pity to throw away the sacrifices already done) nor the marriage of course: whatever he is doing has a subconscious origin and he probably does not even realize it.
    Try to have a frank discussion with him and make him understand that this is important for you, you have the right to ask your husband's support (or at least to do nothing to compromise it, like eating your weighted food FFS) and anyway it will be over soon.
    Also try to sleep more.
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    and here i am, all up set because my wife cant give 2 sh!t's about my progress....... hope things get better.
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