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  1. #1
    mic dropper pondus_levo's Avatar
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    Pondus_levo's dating log and general relationship advice/chat

    Okay...I'm going to give this another shot. Regulars and if anyone needs dating advice come on in.

    There is only one rule: All opinions and POV's welcome, but be respectful and no personal attacks allowed. If you don't like me or my opinions, just stay the **** out.

    Originally Posted by From previous try
    For the past month while I have been banned I went on about 4 dates, nothing panned out, but I was also really busy with my kids all star team. I went out with a a very sweet elementary school teacher before I got banned and we've been keeping in touch. We keep talking about it, but have not been able to connect again since. We are going to a comedy/bingo event this Saturday. Should be a lot of fun.

    Ya'll can check out my attraction thread too. I wrote the lessons almost 10 years ago, but it's still 100% valid today.

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    Last edited by pondus_levo; 08-09-2017 at 06:04 PM.
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  2. #2
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Here we go again and.....



    ....before DLB or whatever type of dickhead derails this thread too.
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  3. #3
    mic dropper pondus_levo's Avatar
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    Updates:


    Went out again with the Teacher. Had a great time. Ended up back at her place, made out. Had a few follow up conversations over the next few days. 2 times she was short only answering me when she about to go do something, so I stopped responding. Hint taken. A few days later asked if she wanted to do something with me last minute and her reply was she couldn't AND she was going to be really busy the next two weeks. Hint 2 received. Since I never chase, last text to her was 2 weeks ago and she hasn't tried to contact me. Hint confirmed.

    Woman I basically had a one night stand/1 week relationship with with a couple of months ago and then broke it off hit me up again. I figured, "what the hell," and asked her if she wanted to go for a motorcycle ride because she told me that she had never ridden and had asked to ride with me before. She said sure, then she back tracked, then asked if I missed her. SMH. Blocked her number. Damn validation whores rustle my jimmy.

    Got lunch with a woman that I had first started talking to back in may, but we never worked out meeting up. Went ahead and decided to give it another try before deleting her number. Things didn't really click and she told me she wasn't interested.

    Around the same time as above, I got drinks with another women from Tinder. I think we hit it off pretty well, lots of follow up texts and we went out again on Sunday. Monday she sent a follow up text thanking me for a good time. I said you're welcome and suggested she pick the next venue and she never responded. I did get a feeling on Sunday that she may not really be that interested, so the follow up text throws me off a bit. The text could be that she is just be a really, really nice person and wanted to thank me even though she is not interested. My gut tells me if I push it, she will tell as much. She's def LTR material, but can't fake chemistry.

    For the past month or so a woman I went out with twice back in early October '16 started popping up at the top of my facebook "people you may know" suggestions. That was back just before Leti and I decided to be "exclusive" so we stopped talking, though I did send her an unanswered text, so I also figured she wasn't interested, anyway. Given my situation it didn't matter, but I guess I also never removed her contact. Anyhow, for the past few weeks I've been getting the urge to text her because I keep seeing her on my facebook. I break down last week and text her. Not only did she remember me, she told me that her phone was stolen and that's why she never responded and she had no way of getting back in touch with me, and she never wanted to stop talking. We got lunch on Thursday and had a nice time. We are going to go out for drinks on Saturday.

    Also, I hid my profile on match just to get a break from that. No good is really coming of it. Tinder is way better. I have well over 100 matches now, but I don't really want to msg any of them. They are either too far away or it's obvious they don't have kids and/or have a completely different lifestyle.
    Last edited by pondus_levo; 08-09-2017 at 09:29 PM.
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  4. #4
    mic dropper pondus_levo's Avatar
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    So, one thing I have noticed about myself is that if I see even the slightest hint that a woman is not interested, I basically just put the ball in her court and shut down on her and won't try to contact her again. A few times she will have contact me a few weeks later and been like, "where did you go? You just disappeared." And I'll just be a bit dumbfounded because I would have literally said, "hit me up when you want to do something." before going NC and they don't.

    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    So, one thing I have noticed about myself is that if I see even the slightest hint that a woman is not interested, I basically just put the ball in her court and shut down on her and won't try to contact her again. A few times she will have contact me a few weeks later and been like, "where did you go? You just disappeared." And I'll just be a bit dumbfounded because I would have literally said, "hit me up when you want to do something." before going NC and they don't.

    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?
    I get the same bull runaround. It's a very damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. If you go bold and explicitly pitch an actual date to go out, there's a good chance they'll reject you, but if you leave it at a hard hint/their comfort to give you the green light, they disappear and flake.
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    INNNN.. What happened to that therapist dude, forgot his name, but he had like 2 dating logs that were filled with disappointments
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  7. #7
    mic dropper pondus_levo's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RauryL View Post
    I get the same bull runaround. It's a very damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. If you go bold and explicitly pitch an actual date to go out, there's a good chance they'll reject you, but if you leave it at a hard hint/their comfort to give you the green light, they disappear and flake.
    The rejection or disappearing doesn't bother me. Like I said, there are more than enough options out there. I'm just wondering if I am letting things go to easily. I vowed that after my ex-wife I would never be the one holding a relationship together. I am so fearful of a one sided relationship now, that if I feel that its even 49/51, I start to shut down. If she does not respond to even one text. I'm done. I simply will not chase. I'm wondering if I am being too extreme.

    If sense there is a lack of interest, she doesn't do anything to show me otherwise, thus validated, so I stop trying, but then there are times when way down the road they ask WTF happened? As if I was the one that ghosted them or was the one that showed a lack of interest. Without solid closure, one never knows. So, is it worth the effort to always get that closure? Am I missing opportunities?

    Originally Posted by FrazettaSilke View Post
    INNNN.. What happened to that therapist dude, forgot his name, but he had like 2 dating logs that were filled with disappointments
    He's probably married with a kid on the way by now. LOL.
    Last edited by pondus_levo; 08-10-2017 at 11:05 AM.
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    The rejection or disappearing doesn't bother me. Like I said, there are more than enough options out there. I'm just wondering if I am letting things go to easily. I vowed that after my ex-wife I would never be the one holding a relationship together. I am so fearful of a one sided relationship now, that if I feel that its even 49/51, I start to shut down. If she does not respond to even one text. I'm done. I simply will not chase. I'm wondering if I am being too extreme.

    If sense there is a lack of interest, she doesn't do anything to show me otherwise, thus validated, so I stop trying, but then there are times when way down the road they ask WTF happened? As if I was the one that ghosted them or was the one that showed a lack of interest. Without solid closure, one never knows. So, is it worth the effort to always get that closure? Am I missing opportunities?



    He's probably married with a kid on the way by now. LOL.
    I think you are being too extreme. Women like to be pursued. Maybe not the ones in their 20's still in their "go to club/get drunk/have ONS/repeat next weekend" phase, but after a certain point, when they are looking for more mature relationships. I guess it feeds their ego that they're still desirable enough for men to pursue them. There is a difference between playing hard to get and not being interested. You should use the "3 strike rule" instead of the "1 strike rule". Don't go overboard with the chasing, but if you're bailing after just 1 not answered text, you're missing opportunities.
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    Originally Posted by MiscInformed View Post
    I think you are being too extreme. Women like to be pursued. Maybe not the ones in their 20's still in their "go to club/get drunk/have ONS/repeat next weekend" phase, but after a certain point, when they are looking for more mature relationships. I guess it feeds their ego that they're still desirable enough for men to pursue them. There is a difference between playing hard to get and not being interested. You should use the "3 strike rule" instead of the "1 strike rule". Don't go overboard with the chasing, but if you're bailing after just 1 not answered text, you're missing opportunities.
    Well, it's not just 1 unanswered text. It's the feeling of disinterest based on other factors and then the unanswered text, which then seems to validate my feeling and then at that point. I just can't bring myself to initiate again, but she's not initiating either, which further validates my feeling. At that point I'm 95% sure if I tried it would be met with resistance. Is that 5% worth the trouble? I mean, if everything was going good, I shouldn't even have to question how interested she really is. It should be obvious.

    I'll text those two women and report back. My gut feelings are rarely wrong, so this will be an interesting test.
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    inb4 you know who runs this one into the ground again
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    Originally Posted by elterrible987 View Post
    inb4 you know who runs this one into the ground again
    She's banned for life i think
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    Well, it's not just 1 unanswered text. It's the feeling of disinterest based on other factors and then the unanswered text, which then seems to validate my feeling and then at that point. I just can't bring myself to initiate again, but she's not initiating either, which further validates my feeling. At that point I'm 95% sure if I tried it would be met with resistance. Is that 5% worth the trouble? I mean, if everything was going good, I shouldn't even have to question how interested she really is. It should be obvious.

    I'll text those two women and report back. My gut feelings are rarely wrong, so this will be an interesting test.
    Why not wait a week after the unanswered text and hit them with another text (or phone call) seeing if they want to get together? Suggest a time and place/event and maybe make it sound like you'll be going either way, but that you thought they might enjoy it too and it would be fun to have their company. If they don't respond, that's the 2nd strike. Then a maybe a week or 10 days later text them with a joke or something and see if go a response or an apology. By that point, if they don't respond, you can be sure they're not interested. It doesn't cost you anything and you'll get peace of mind knowing you didn't bail too soon. I think the trick is to not ever seem needy. After the 1st strike, your attitude should be 100% outcome independent. It's dumb to have to still be playing games in your 30's, but I guess those are the hands we're dealt in this day and age, especially if you're meeting these women from online dating sites/apps.
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?
    When you think about it rationally, yes, you're being a bit extreme.

    But we're talking about dating women, so I actually think you're doing the right thing.

    Personally I also bow out when I sense a lack of interest.
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    In. I have recently been on a big self help kick wince breaking up with my ex a few months back that has been beneficial, and now I want to focus on building confidence before I head back to university. One way I have been doing so is approaching at bars and clubs, however I seem to be struggling in my ability to set up dates with the girls I interact with. I'm here for any advice and tips on building social circles/relationships as I intend to be doing a lot of this when I return to studying.

    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    So, one thing I have noticed about myself is that if I see even the slightest hint that a woman is not interested, I basically just put the ball in her court and shut down on her and won't try to contact her again. A few times she will have contact me a few weeks later and been like, "where did you go? You just disappeared." And I'll just be a bit dumbfounded because I would have literally said, "hit me up when you want to do something." before going NC and they don't.

    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?
    Sometimes I do think I also have second thoughts about giving up early with some pursuits. As a general rule I think the one strike rule works well, but on occasions where they do come back some time later to try and reconnect does make me wonder. I would only consider hitting someone up again if your interactions and dates before the NC were somewhat promising though.
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    been hanging out with my girl, my birthday is coming up at the end of this month and I want to go parasailing. I want her to go with me.

    Ended up getting laid again last night. It was so fuking good exploring her body kissing every part of it. I woke up to Starbucks but I got sick earlier today

    I lack the experience in everything but so far I am doing pretty d*mn good. I am actually impressed with myself and that hardly ever happens. I am doing whatever scares me, facing my fears and letting go of the past. Every day is a good day, another opportunity to go for what you have always wanted to do.
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    So, one thing I have noticed about myself is that if I see even the slightest hint that a woman is not interested, I basically just put the ball in her court and shut down on her and won't try to contact her again. A few times she will have contact me a few weeks later and been like, "where did you go? You just disappeared." And I'll just be a bit dumbfounded because I would have literally said, "hit me up when you want to do something." before going NC and they don't.

    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?
    The way i work around chit like this is i test it. so for example next time you sense a lack of interest and want to give up "early", don't. Pursue a tiny bit then you'll know your answer. As for me i only initiate if i sense a lack of interest if i think shes worth trying a little harder, which is rare af.
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    Well, it's not just 1 unanswered text. It's the feeling of disinterest based on other factors and then the unanswered text, which then seems to validate my feeling and then at that point. I just can't bring myself to initiate again, but she's not initiating either, which further validates my feeling. At that point I'm 95% sure if I tried it would be met with resistance. Is that 5% worth the trouble? I mean, if everything was going good, I shouldn't even have to question how interested she really is. It should be obvious.

    I'll text those two women and report back. My gut feelings are rarely wrong, so this will be an interesting test.
    Iโ€™m in the same boat with you. I donโ€™t chase women and with that way I can avoid the attention whores. When I was younger I couldnโ€™t realize how the game works with the girls, so sometimes I was played heavy from women. You see, there is a huge difference between pursuing and chasing. I approach women and I guess this is something normal, but when I notice that the level of their interest is low then I step back and wait to see the reactions.

    Personally, when Iโ€™m in the flirt process with a woman I apply the simple rule of 50/50, and that means that I donโ€™t give more attention to her than she gives me at any given moment. If she flakes once, Iโ€™m pretty much done, and I go NC waiting from her to come back to me, asking me to set up a date. Sometimes they come back texting me but with the only purpose to receive some sort of attention and validation from me.

    Iโ€™m thinking that I must always keep a balance not giving so much attention to women, because from my own experience I realized that when a woman considers that you want her badly, that youโ€™re 100% into her, then instantly she loses her interest.

    Now, sometimes, like you do, Iโ€™m wondering if with that way Iโ€™m missing some opportunities. Maybe yes, but at least with that way I can avoid the type of women who are passive/ aggressive, women with issues, women who play games, attention whores, etc, because yea if you tolerate the nonsense maybe you can have in your bed some of these women. And, you know what? Those types of women in most cases they can deal only with โ€˜Simpsโ€™, with guys whoโ€™re willing to tolerate a lot of things in order to get pussy and to have a girlfriend.

    I think that women who are more serious and without a bunch of insecurities and issues, if they are into you
    they will cooperate 100% with you from the beginning, they will make it easy for you.
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  21. #21
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    In.

    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    So, one thing I have noticed about myself is that if I see even the slightest hint that a woman is not interested, I basically just put the ball in her court and shut down on her and won't try to contact her again. A few times she will have contact me a few weeks later and been like, "where did you go? You just disappeared." And I'll just be a bit dumbfounded because I would have literally said, "hit me up when you want to do something." before going NC and they don't.

    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?
    Is this before or after going out on at least one date?

    If I haven't met up with her yet, I'm usually more persistent since the girl's still feeling you out/probably has other options.

    But if we've been out on date(s) and I'm sensing a low interest level, I'm not gonna chase.
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  22. #22
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    Well, it's not just 1 unanswered text. It's the feeling of disinterest based on other factors and then the unanswered text, which then seems to validate my feeling and then at that point. I just can't bring myself to initiate again, but she's not initiating either, which further validates my feeling. At that point I'm 95% sure if I tried it would be met with resistance. Is that 5% worth the trouble? I mean, if everything was going good, I shouldn't even have to question how interested she really is. It should be obvious.

    I'll text those two women and report back. My gut feelings are rarely wrong, so this will be an interesting test.
    I don't think you're doing the wrong thing at all. Had a couple of things fall out for the same reasons as yours...one word replies, not self generating any questions to learn more about me, interactions feel more like interviews, etc. I'm 29. You're 36. You and I are still trying to have fun, explore, etc. but I don't think either of us wants to waste time. So if I sense a lack of interest, I'm also gone. As you've said, plenty of options out there. To me, the "WTF? Where did you disappear to?" Messages only indicate that her other options fell through and youv come back up on rotation. Don't take the bait.
    Mutual pursuit of one another is where the magic is at, because even if you convince the disinterested girl, you still lose.
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    Originally Posted by Legend1617 View Post
    been hanging out with my girl, my birthday is coming up at the end of this month and I want to go parasailing. I want her to go with me.

    Ended up getting laid again last night. It was so fuking good exploring her body kissing every part of it. I woke up to Starbucks but I got sick earlier today

    I lack the experience in everything but so far I am doing pretty d*mn good. I am actually impressed with myself and that hardly ever happens. I am doing whatever scares me, facing my fears and letting go of the past. Every day is a good day, another opportunity to go for what you have always wanted to do.
    I've read your posts in the past, and I congratulate you on your success. Really, everyone deserves peace and I'm glad you've found some. Given the radical change to your tone of posts, I caution you to not use others as a source of happiness. Use this time to do what you've been doing---finding self generated sources of joy and contentment. Benefits are twofold here---in the relationship you become more self reliant, confident, and assured, and if it doesn't work out, you avoid the depths of despair. Keep on, brother.
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    Originally Posted by pondus_levo View Post
    So, one thing I have noticed about myself is that if I see even the slightest hint that a woman is not interested, I basically just put the ball in her court and shut down on her and won't try to contact her again. A few times she will have contact me a few weeks later and been like, "where did you go? You just disappeared." And I'll just be a bit dumbfounded because I would have literally said, "hit me up when you want to do something." before going NC and they don't.

    I'm starting to wonder if I am giving up too early, but I refuse to initiate when I sense a lack of interest. I know that I could, and probably get a few more dates out of it, and maybe my instincts were wrong, but I don't feel it's worth it, since there's always another option out there.

    Thoughts?

    this is what I started doing about 2-3 months before I met my current gf. I was just sick of what I felt was like wasted time/energy on a girl that did not seem at least somewhat invested; in the past whenever a felt that sudden "hunch" that a girl was not really interested fully, things eventually fizzled out. it could be taking longer to respond to texts/wishy washy answers on date plans/etc. there was never a moment where it was "just becuase she was busy/etc".

    Sure, I may have missed out on some women that were actually busy, combined with the fact that 'hit me up if you want to hang out" doesnt really work since women want a man that plans/pursues etc - but in the end I saved a lot myself alot of stress.

    CRAZY turn on events though. remember that ex-cheerleader HB former sority girl I was bitching about that I slept with a few months and she ghosted me before I met my current gf?

    She's on my instagram, she now has pics with this new guy. swear it was her gay friend at first but it is actually a guy she is dating. He's only mildly taller than her (5'6"), skinny as phuck, and has this girly/pretty face..but not in a masculine way at all. mind is blown. would never think she would end up dating a guy like him. not good body language/etc.

    blew a hole in a my "CHAD" theory, or maybe she wants to settle down with someone who knows won't leave her.
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    been dating 6 months
    -month in, she met guy behind my back,(friend seen them walking around said that they did nothin ) she lied to me that hes gay, i didnt give **** cuz we just started dating and I were meeting others too,wernt really exclusive
    -5 month later,she started working new job,the same guy works there
    -starts flirting in messages says she misses him,but she has boyfriend ,yet she wana remain friends.
    -i get mad and kick her out
    -NC for week, shes asking for another chance,saying she loves me blah blah hes just a friend,been crying for whole week
    -that dude messeged me asking to talk with her and said he doesnt want nothin wtf lol?

    Still nc ,wtf is going on ,should I respond or keep nc?
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    Originally Posted by cacad View Post
    been dating 6 months
    -month in, she met guy behind my back,(friend seen them walking around said that they did nothin ) she lied to me that hes gay, i didnt give **** cuz we just started dating and I were meeting others too,wernt really exclusive
    -5 month later,she started working new job,the same guy works there
    -starts flirting in messages says she misses him,but she has boyfriend ,yet she wana remain friends.
    -i get mad and kick her out
    -NC for week, shes asking for another chance,saying she loves me blah blah hes just a friend,been crying for whole week
    -that dude messeged me asking to talk with her and said he doesnt want nothin wtf lol?

    Still nc ,wtf is going on ,should I respond or keep nc?
    NC. Distance yourself from that relationship, it's going nowhere.
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    Invited a guy I like to a festival this weekend, hopefully he wants to go. I really want to make a move, but I'm scared as Fcuk. YOLO Crew.
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    Originally Posted by DanielleGreen View Post
    Invited a guy I like to a festival this weekend, hopefully he wants to go. I really want to make a move, but I'm scared as Fcuk. YOLO Crew.
    The worst that can happen is he says no, which in the grand scheme is recoverable. Pop the question instead of potentially spending this weekend wondering what it would have been like if you had built up the nerve to extend the invite.
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  29. #29
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    Originally Posted by psychosylocibin View Post
    this is what I started doing about 2-3 months before I met my current gf. I was just sick of what I felt was like wasted time/energy on a girl that did not seem at least somewhat invested; in the past whenever a felt that sudden "hunch" that a girl was not really interested fully, things eventually fizzled out. it could be taking longer to respond to texts/wishy washy answers on date plans/etc. there was never a moment where it was "just becuase she was busy/etc".

    Sure, I may have missed out on some women that were actually busy, combined with the fact that 'hit me up if you want to hang out" doesnt really work since women want a man that plans/pursues etc - but in the end I saved a lot myself alot of stress.

    CRAZY turn on events though. remember that ex-cheerleader HB former sority girl I was bitching about that I slept with a few months and she ghosted me before I met my current gf?

    She's on my instagram, she now has pics with this new guy. swear it was her gay friend at first but it is actually a guy she is dating. He's only mildly taller than her (5'6"), skinny as phuck, and has this girly/pretty face..but not in a masculine way at all. mind is blown. would never think she would end up dating a guy like him. not good body language/etc.

    blew a hole in a my "CHAD" theory, or maybe she wants to settle down with someone who knows won't leave her.
    Was this what you were referencing in the other thread?
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  30. #30
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    Originally Posted by RauryL View Post
    The worst that can happen is he says no, which in the grand scheme is recoverable. Pop the question instead of potentially spending this weekend wondering what it would have been like if you had built up the nerve to extend the invite.
    Sent him a text this morning and he wants to go. Now we have to decide who's driving, since it's a few hours away. Making some progress.
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