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  1. #1
    Registered User Ms. Becca's Avatar
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    Question My husband doesn't want me to have muscles.

    I am been working out, lifting hard and seeing my body change. I love it and want more. My husband is not so into me bodybuilding. I show him pic of girls/women that I admire like Ava Cowan, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Jamie Eason and he says they all have too much muscle and he thinks it is gross. This sucks because I would love his support but I don't think I'll get it. I'm not going to stop, because I love it! Do any of you ladies out there have this problem and/ or what do you think?
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  2. #2
    Registered User Jen_K's Avatar
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    Wow, I cannot relate Must be tough to receive that kind of reaction from your husband. What is his fitness like? Is he fit... is it a jealousy thing?
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    Registered User Ms. Becca's Avatar
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    He is not in to working out like me at all. He does a little cardio and weights here and there but not "fit". And he's not the jealous type either. He just doesn't understand and it makes me really bummed and I'm afraid I might resent him later for it.
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    Platinum User™ seanb1979's Avatar
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    Just use your newfound muscles to kick his ass if he doesn't like it
    A million miles away - I don't.. feel.... anything.
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  5. #5
    Registered User mhess92's Avatar
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    from a guys perspective I can see the not liking a lot of muscle on a woman.... but if you are truly working out because YOU love it and the way it makes YOU feel and not because you think people think you look "bad"........ then I say he should support you in whatever you want to do
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  6. #6
    Focus on yourself kimm4's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ms. Becca View Post
    I am been working out, lifting hard and seeing my body change. I love it and want more. My husband is not so into me bodybuilding. I show him pic of girls/women that I admire like Ava Cowan, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Jamie Eason and he says they all have too much muscle and he thinks it is gross. This sucks because I would love his support but I don't think I'll get it. I'm not going to stop, because I love it! Do any of you ladies out there have this problem and/ or what do you think?
    None of the women you mention fall under the definition of "too much muscle."

    I guess my definition is different from others.
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  7. #7
    Platinium Membership FlyOrDie's Avatar
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    Thumbs up well said...

    Originally Posted by mhess92 View Post
    from a guys perspective I can see the not liking a lot of muscle on a woman.... but if you are truly working out because YOU love it and the way it makes YOU feel and not because you think people think you look "bad"........ then I say he should support you in whatever you want to do
    well said...
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  8. #8
    No Fat Chicks Trauma5951's Avatar
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    For another guy perspective, i absolutely prefer a woman who is in great shape/tight body.

    Some muscle definition never hurt anyone and i prefer it that way.

    I do not see any attraction to women that have cannons for arms/legs and defined pecs on the other hand... At some point it is too much to be feminine but it takes quite a bit for a female to achieve that without intentionally trying to.
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  9. #9
    Registered User Ms. Becca's Avatar
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    I wish there was a way to get him to workout with me, and I have tried! Every once and a while he will go to the gym with me but will only do cardio when I am lifting. I would like to have a spotter and I think it would be kinda fun to do together. I feel like the guy in this relationship. I'm not going to be all steroided out, although I do just want to beat his ass! JK, no violence here. It's not like I'm asking him to do Zumba or anything!
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  10. #10
    Registered User Ms. Becca's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kimm4 View Post
    None of the women you mention fall under the definition of "too much muscle."

    I guess my definition is different from others.
    I agree!
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  11. #11
    Registered User BigTimexXx's Avatar
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    It's more than likely one of these two:

    1. He doesn't feel that it fits his traditional definition of femininity.
    2. He's insecure.

    I'd wager on number 1 based off of what you told us.
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  12. #12
    Still Breathin' hublife's Avatar
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    In b4 OP's next thread in 6 months is "Help I'm getting a divorce because exercise drove a wedge in my marriage."

    I've been a Personal Trainer for a decade... it would frighten you to know how many clients/members i know that got divorced because their spouse wouldn't make a life style change with them.

    Tell your husband to get his sh!t together or some other hard body at the gym is going to swoop your ass up.

    serious.
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  13. #13
    Registered User zetsumei101's Avatar
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    I'm big on hating the way that muscular women look. Those women you are talking about are not muscular at all. they have muscle but just really lean muscle. there is nothing wrong with trying to be in shape and live a healthy life. if your husband cant see that then he is the one in the wrong not you. i would love to get in the gym with my girl and spot her. help her lift but my lady prefers to stay at the house.
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  14. #14
    BRB Bulking snoozer08's Avatar
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    Has your husband ever actually seen a woman with that kind of physique in person? If he hasn't, I wouldn't be that concerned. Competitors usually look much bigger in print than they are in real life since they're so lean. If he's like most men I know, it's not the size of the women you showed him, it's how lean they are that they don't like. He's probably thinking that you want to walk around looking EXACTLY like them and doesn't realize a) that isn't possible and b) he doesn't have a concept of what that really translates to in real life.

    If he's willing to go, take him to a show or introduce him to ppl you know with the look you're shooting for me. I've shown my hb pics online of competitors I admire and a friend of mine who's a natural female bber hoping for a positive reaction. It wasn't until he met her and went to show that he understood the look I'm going for and realized muscular can still be feminine.

    My ideal and his ideal will never be the same (he's infatuated with Selma Hayek) and I've come to accept that. Although he isn't at the gym with me (can't get mine to go either) he supports me in what I do (as long as it's healthy). Hopefully you guys can find a middle ground where you're both happy.

    p.s. I've had more success getting mine to play sports with me (tennis, basketball, etc) than getting him to the gym. Good luck!
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    Registered User Ms. Becca's Avatar
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    Well, I guess we'll see.

    I'll keep on my training and see how it goes! Thanks for your help!
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  16. #16
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    Originally Posted by Ms. Becca View Post
    I am been working out, lifting hard and seeing my body change. I love it and want more. My husband is not so into me bodybuilding. I show him pic of girls/women that I admire like Ava Cowan, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Jamie Eason and he says they all have too much muscle and he thinks it is gross. This sucks because I would love his support but I don't think I'll get it. I'm not going to stop, because I love it! Do any of you ladies out there have this problem and/ or what do you think?
    Keep on keepin on. You have to be happy with self in this life.. He will get get over it if he loves you.
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  17. #17
    Getting there! sharonatkinson's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ms. Becca View Post
    I'll keep on my training and see how it goes! Thanks for your help!
    My husband said he didnt find muscular women attractive but would support me
    because he loved me

    Ive been training for nearly 3 years now and my body has changed shape
    He doesnt really say it too much but i think he secretly likes it

    When he talks to other people about me he is always really proud of my body
    and he has also started working out himself a little bit
    so stick with it , he may come round in the end
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  18. #18
    Fit mom of 2 terracotta's Avatar
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    I think for a lot of guys, it isn't the muscle that they don't like, it is the leanness. Show him OFF-season pictures of the same women and he would probably think they are hot. Anyways, if you desire to attain those physiques and even to compete, your husband should support you. I know mine would.

    In addition to the leanness, think about the other conditions those pictures are taken under
    - tanned/protan'd
    - muscles pumped up pre-shoot

    And these women do look smaller in person.
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  19. #19
    A little less skinny Richy P's Avatar
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    Did you show him pics of these women in their 'off season'. His reaction may be a little different. Most men are not into ripped women which is understandable if you look at it from a purely biological view.

    What men who dont know about fitness fail to realise is, that the 'womenly' look can be achieved through increased muscle mass under a moderate bodyfat level. its amazing what quad and hamstring work can do the shape of the leg.

    If he thinks your going to be walking around like Jamie Eason at competition time, I can understand his point of view from a non fitness orientated person.

    The trick is to show him a more balanced picture, and change your body type gradually (dont drop 10lbs in two weeks be eating noting than lettuce), that way it wont be so much of a shock.
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  20. #20
    Registered User law2spam's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BigTimexXx View Post
    It's more than likely one of these two:

    1. He doesn't feel that it fits his traditional definition of femininity.
    2. He's insecure.

    I'd wager on number 1 based off of what you told us.
    As a man I would actually lean towards door #2.
    Maybe he does cardio when you lift so that you can't see the weight he's using or see him stuggle. A man's ego can be fragile.
    I would keep asking him to join you at the gym and here are a few ways that will apeal to his ego.
    1. Tell him you would rather he be your spotter than someone else.
    2. Tell him there's a creepy guy there lately that you want him to see you two together.
    3. Makes plans to go out afterwards to eat after working out and a shower and maybe something else ; )
    4. Do some cardio with him.
    5. Do something physical outside the gym that neither has done before.
    6. Do something that he's really good at.

    That's all for now.
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  21. #21
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    Originally Posted by Ms. Becca View Post
    I am been working out, lifting hard and seeing my body change. I love it and want more. My husband is not so into me bodybuilding. I show him pic of girls/women that I admire like Ava Cowan, Jennifer Nicole Lee, Jamie Eason and he says they all have too much muscle and he thinks it is gross. This sucks because I would love his support but I don't think I'll get it. I'm not going to stop, because I love it! Do any of you ladies out there have this problem and/ or what do you think?
    he is a smart man. knows what he like. do it or he will cheat. just sayin'
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  22. #22
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    Originally Posted by Richy P View Post
    Did you show him pics of these women in their 'off season'. His reaction may be a little different. Most men are not into ripped women which is understandable if you look at it from a purely biological view.
    This.
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  23. #23
    Has no clue david_0729's Avatar
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    You may have given your husband too much information. Currently your physique doesn't look like Ava. If that is the physique you are pursuing it will take time. The change will be gradual and he will get used to it. It's not like he is going to wake up tomorrow next to that body. Like most people have said. The physiques at photo shoot time are no where near off season.

    I don't agree with people saying you will lose him or that he needs to join your lifestyle. Almost every guy I know in the gym, his girlfriend or wife does not lift. Most people on this site do not have significant others who train or body build.
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  24. #24
    **Deadlift Junky** MZ360's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by david_0729 View Post
    You may have given your husband too much information. Currently your physique doesn't look like Ava. If that is the physique you are pursuing it will take time. The change will be gradual and he will get used to it. It's not like he is going to wake up tomorrow next to that body. Like most people have said. The physiques at photo shoot time are no where near off season.

    I don't agree with people saying you will lose him or that he needs to join your lifestyle. Almost every guy I know in the gym, his girlfriend or wife does not lift. Most people on this site do not have significant others who train or body build.

    I agree..dont stress over it..just keep doing your thing..ive been with guys who dont "love" the fact I lift but once they have seen the results they are completely blown away or give me so much credit for the dedication/discipline I have.. Im sure once he sees your results which by the way you look amazing..saw your before and now pics..congrats! he will love it

    oh and try showing him a pic of "JAIME KOEPPE" Trust me that will change his mind

    you can keep your curves and have muscle..I noticed we have very similar stats..

    Good luck!
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  25. #25
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    Originally Posted by BigTimexXx View Post
    It's more than likely one of these two:

    1. He doesn't feel that it fits his traditional definition of femininity.
    2. He's insecure.

    I'd wager on number 1 based off of what you told us.
    I'd say maybe a bit of both.

    It's a shame that he doesn't like it, but ultimately I look at it the same way I would if it were my hair or my makeup or whatever .. I'll take his thoughts/preferences into consideration, but I'm not going to make a change or not make a change just because *you* don't like it. Dude, it's my body.

    But then I have a friend who has never cut her hair short - despite really wanting to - because her husband has said he would be really angry if she cut her hair. That's an attitude I just don't understand.
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  26. #26
    Platinum User™ seanb1979's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Crazymix View Post
    he is a smart man. knows what he like. do it or he will cheat. just sayin'
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    nice
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  27. #27
    Banned Jackedtech's Avatar
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    You showed him girls that YOU admire. So here is the quiz for you what would men rather admire?

    #1

    #2

    As a guy i have to say it is very hard to say which one i like more.......NOT
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  28. #28
    Platinum User™ seanb1979's Avatar
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    not really a fair comparison imo... alba is ridiculously good looking
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  29. #29
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    Originally Posted by seanb1979 View Post
    not really a fair comparison imo... alba is ridiculously good looking
    Ok find me a better example of number 2 i thought jamie eason was supposed to be "IT" maybe i didnt find the most flattering pic of her. if you find i will edit my post.
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  30. #30
    Has no clue david_0729's Avatar
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    Alba vs. Ava would be a better comparison. There are some really good looking women on this site that carry muscle. On this thread look at MZ360 (I am not white knighting). I prefer that look over Alba or Ava. I like the curves.
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